Thursday, April 30, 2009

Joke - Bob and the Blonde

Bob and the Blonde

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat
down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm
news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on
the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,
saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the
5 pm news, so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Amazing Video...

This video is astounding. It is a video on the progression of information technology,
researched by Karl Fisch, Scott McLeod, and Jeff Brenman.

Click link to view. Have a super day! Val =)

Did You Know?

Joke - Three Working Men

Three Working Men

An Italian, an Irishman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction
site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian
guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”

He looks at the Irishman and says, “You’re in charge of shoveling."

He says to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies. Now, I have to
leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.”

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours, and when he returns,
the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian guy, “Why didn’t
you sweep any of it?”

The Italian man replies, “I didn’t have a broom. You said the Chinese guy
was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn’t find him.”

The foreman then turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn’t shovel?
The Irishman replies, “I couldn’t get myself a shovel. You left the
Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn’t find him.”

The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile of
sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs
out from a closet and yells, “SUPPLIES!”

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Joke - Painting the Church

Painting the Church

There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested
in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint
to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the
Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one
of their biggest buildings. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was
so low, he got the job.

And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and
buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding painting away, the job nearly
completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder.
The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint
from all over the church and knocking Jock clear off the scaffold to
land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale
puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me!
What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

Monday, April 27, 2009

Computer Humor...

Actual "Call Center" Calls

"I've been calling 700 -1000 for two days
and can't get through. Can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Caller: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."

* * * * * * * *

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the User Guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall
socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can
you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."

* * * * * * * *

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Caller: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Caller: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

* * * * * * * *

This is actual dialogue from the WordPerfect Help-line, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around
the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when
it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,
not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over?"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got
it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"

Fun and Funny Quotes by Charles M. Schulz...

Fun and Funny Quotes by Charles M. Schulz

"If I were a better artist, I'd be a painter,
and if I were a better writer, I'd write books...
but I'm not, so I draw cartoons!"
- Charles Schulz
“My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim,
no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out.
What am I doing right?”
- Snoopy in "Peanuts"
“I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.”
- Charles Schulz
“I think I've discovered the secret of life -
you just hang around until you get used to it.”
- Sally Brown in "Peanuts"
“The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you
believe just so you're sincere.”
- Charles Schulz
“There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from.”
- Linus Van Pelt in "Peanuts"
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate
now and then doesn't hurt."
- In "Peanuts"
"Decorate your home. It gives the illusion that your
life is more interesting than it really is."
- Charles Schulz
"To live is to dance, to dance is to live."
- Snoopy in "Peanuts"
"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."
- Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"
"Dear IRS, Please remove me from your mailing list."
- Snoopy in "Peanuts"
"Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, 'Why me?'
Then a voice answers, 'Nothing personal, your name just
happened to come up.'"
- Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"
"Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar.
I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat
before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath
and forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity."
- Snoopy in "Peanuts"
"If I were given the opportunity to present a gift
to the next generation, it would be the ability for
each individual to learn to laugh at himself."
- Charles Schulz

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Hunger Quotes and a Verse...

Hunger Quotes and a Verse

"Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.
If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,'
but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same
way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
- James 2:15-17

"Hungry people cannot be good at learning or producing anything,
except, perhaps violence."
- Pearl Bailey
"It is important for people to realize that we can make progress
against world hunger, that world hunger is not hopeless.
The worst enemy is apathy."
- Reverend David Beckmann
"There are genuinely sufficient resources in the world to ensure
that no one, nowhere, at no time, should go hungry."
- Ed Asner
"There is no finer investment for any community than putting
milk into babies."
- Sir Winston Churchill
"The freedom of man, I contend, is the freedom to eat."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Why should there be hunger and deprivation in any land,
in any city, at any table, when man has the resources and the
scientific know-how to provide all mankind with the basic
necessities of life? There is no deficit in human resources.
The deficit is in human will."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Peace can only last when human rights are respected, where the
people are fed, and where individuals and nations are free."
- 14th Dalai Lama
"A hungry people listens not to reason, nor cares for justice,
nor is bent by any prayers."
- Seneca (Lucius Annaeus Seneca)
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."
- Mother Teresa
"We are a country that prides itself on power and wealth,
yet there are millions of children who go hungry every day.
It is our responsibility, not only as a nation, but also as individuals,
to get involved. So, next time you pass someone on the street who is
in need, remember how lucky you are, and don't turn away."
- Lesley Boone

"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear
to them except in the form of bread."
- Mohandas Gandhi

please visit these sites to feed the hungry daily...
One free click a day feeds one hungry person!... The Hungersite
Two free clicks a day feeds the hungry!... PovertyFighters
a free click a day feeds one person!... Hunger Fighters
please bookmark us and click us daily!

"What can take you only seconds can change someone else's life!"
- VF

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Elderly Humor...

Elderly Humor

Senior Driving

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77! Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

* * * * * * * *

Fairies & Younger Women

A couple had been married for 35 years and was celebrating the husband's
60th birthday.

During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been
such a loving couple for so many years, she would give them one wish

The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten
to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world."

The fairy waved her wand and, ~POOF~, she had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn.

He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a
woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy waved her wand and, ~POOF~, he was 90.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Quotes on Art...

Art Quotes

"Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the
world has known."
- Oscar Wilde
"In art the hand can never execute anything higher than
the heart can inspire."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the
same time."
- Thomas Merton
"Art is the only way to run away without leaving home."
- Twyla Tharp
"I shut my eyes in order to see."
- Paul Gauguin
"All art requires courage."
- Anne Tucker

"Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the
world unbearable."
- George Bernard Shaw
"Art is what's left over after you've defined everything else."
- Michael Vitale
"Art is never finished, only abandoned."
- Leonardo da Vinci
"Surely nothing has to listen to so many stupid remarks
as a painting in a museum."

- Edmond & Jules de Goncourt

"One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art."

- Oscar Wilde

"There's no retirement for an artist, it's your way of living
so there's no end to it."

- Henry Moore

"Color is my day-long obsession, joy and torment."

- Jackson Pollock

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Joke - Confucius Says...

Confucius Says...

* Man who sit on tack get point!
* Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!
* He who thinks only of number one must remember
this number is next to nothing.
* Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train
likely to end up with splitting headache.
* Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
* Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
* Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
* Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.
* He who has a sharp tongue cuts own throat.
* Man who run in front of car get tired.
* Man who run behind car get exhausted.
* Man with one chopstick go hungry.
* War does not determine who is right,
war determine who is left.
* Man who live in glass house should
change clothes in basement.
* A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
* He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.
* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.
* To make egg roll, push it.
* Man who wish to make headlines should
sleep on corduroy pillow.
* Confucius say way much.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Let's celebrate Earth Day!...

Hi all my readers =)! Happy Earth Day 2009! Earth Day, organized in
1970, is observed in 140 nations around the world. It promotes ideas
of ecology and encourages respect for life on earth and highlights the
growing concern over pollution of the soil, air, and water.

I wanted to share with you all a website I go to daily that helps the
environment. It has daily click sites. Perhaps you can visit today and feel
like you did your part to celebrate this day. It is simple and it feels good!!

Care2 has a site that works to reduce carbon in the environment,
thus works fighting global warming. It also has a click site to save
rainforests. Please bookmark these sites and her sister sites and visit
them daily. It is something so very small we can do to help this planet
and help one another. I often think that what we view as small actions
behind our computers (and elsewhere) are really no small actions at
all and can greatly affect the lives of others.

If you would like to visit one more site to celebrate Earth Day,
I recommend visiting Care2's Daily Action Site.

Help The Rainforest

Care2 Daily Action Site

Have a super day, everyone! Val =)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Kids Are Funny...

Kids are Funny

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was
so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember
you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say 'five to six'".

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mum good night. "I love you so much
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mum explained
it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with
wonder, the little girl asked, "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't
give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked,
"How much do I cost?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mum asked
what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen
with this bedwhen I get married. How will my wife fit in it?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read, "The man named
Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James
asked, "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
woman her Mum knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why
doesn't your skin fit your face?"

I think this Mum will never forget this particular Sunday sermon...
"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended towards heaven and a
rapturous look on his upturned face, "Without you, we are but dust... "
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who
was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little
four year-old girl voice, "Mum, what is butt dust?"

Monday, April 20, 2009

Fun and Funny Movie and Film Quotes...

Fun and Funny Movie and Film Quotes

"There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who
knows how to fly a plane?"
- From "Airplane!"
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay
for an honest day's work."
- Steve Martin, "Bilko"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a
schizophrenic and so am I."
- Bill Murray, "What about Bob"

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."
- Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner),
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit"

"The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end.
But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of
cutting down on your expenses."
- Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen), "Love and Death"

"One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
How he got in my pajamas I don't know."
- Groucho Marx, "Animal Crackers"

"When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to
look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."
- Groucho Marx, "Night at the Opera"
"If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!"
- Jim Carrey, "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective"

"I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have."
- Arthur (Dudley Moore), "Arthur"
"Name's Barf. I'm a Mog, half man half dog.
I'm my own best friend."
- From "Spaceballs"
Scarecrow (Ray Bolger):
"I haven't got a brain... only straw."
Dorothy (Judy Garland):
"How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?"
"I don't know... But some people without brains
do an awful lot of talking... don't they?"
"Yes, I guess you're right."
- From "Wizard of Oz"
"If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script,
and they pay me enough, I'll do it."
- George Burns
"I steal from every movie ever made."
- Quentin Tarantino

Do you have a favorite?
Would you like to add one?

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Joke - Old Man's Garden

Old Man's Garden

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter
to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig
the plot for me.

Love, Pop

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Pop,

Do NOT dig up the garden. That is where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.

Love, Vinnie

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Christian The Lion...

Below is a video I first saw a few months back. It is incredible. It's a true
story. Click on the first link. If you are touched by the story, view the
second link as well. I hope everyone is having a blessed weekend... Val =)

Joy Quotes and a Verse...

Joy Quotes and a Verse

"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken
away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy... "
- Psalm 30:11
"The more we enjoy of God, the more we are ravished with delight."
- Thomas Watson
"Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift."
- Albert Einstein
"Did you know... that when you walk past a flower,
whether it be in somebody's garden or on a vacant hillside,
the flower will always smile at you. The most polite way to respond,
I've been told, is to cheerfully return the smile."
- Ron Atchison
"We shall find peace. We shall hear angels.
We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds."
- Anton Pavlovich Chekov
"I define joy as a sustained sense of well being and internal peace -
a connection to what matters."
- Oprah Winfrey
"To get a full value of a joy you must have somebody to share it with."
- Mark Twain
"The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as
when you go looking for your joy."
- Eudora Welty
"Celebrate what you want to see more of."
- Thomas J. Peters
"He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy."
- Kahlil Gibran
"There are those that give with joy, and that joy is their reward."
- Kahlil Gibran
"One joy shatters a hundred griefs."
- A Chinese Proverb
"There is joy in all."
- Anne Sexton

Friday, April 17, 2009

Winston Churchill Quotes...

Winston Churchill Quotes

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
"For I myself am an optimist - it does not seem to
be much use being anything else."
"Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge."
"I am easily satisfied with the very best."
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down to us.
Pigs treat us as equals."
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
"All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in
single words - freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope."
"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it."
"I'm preparing my impromptu remarks."
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
"I like a man who grins when he fights."
"However beautiful the strategy, you should
occasionally look at the results."
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to
another with no loss of enthusiasm."
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be
able to persuade my wife to marry me."
Lady Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill:
"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."
Winston Churchill:
"Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Funny - More Wacky Warning Labels

More Wacky Warning Labels

These are actual warning labels on products...

Snow Blower - Do not use on roof.
Dishwasher - Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
Electric Router - Not for use as a dental drill.
Bottle of Sleeping pills - Warning: May cause drowsiness.
Baby stroller - Remove child before folding.
A CD Player - Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult.
Hand-held massager - Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.
Laser Printer Cartridge - Do not eat toner.
A Wheelbarrow - Not intended for highway use.
A pair of shin guards - Shin pads cannot protect any part of
the body they do not cover.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Joke - Goodbye, Mother!...

Good-bye, Mother

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when
he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored
her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line when she jumped in
front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel
uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen
in a long time."

"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' It would make
me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman left the check-out line for the exit, he waved and called out,
"Good bye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Quotes and a Verse on Life and Living (part 2)

Quotes and a Verse on Life and Living (part 2)

"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life.
He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies;
and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die.'"
- John 11:25-26
"Everything that a man leans upon but God,
will be a dart that will certainly pierce his heart
through and through. He who leans only upon Christ,
lives the highest, choicest, safest, and sweetest life."
- Thomas Brooks
"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to
me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you...
we are in charge of our attitudes."
- Charles R. Swindoll
"What is the use of living if not to strive for noble
causes and to make this muddled world a better place
for those who will live in it after we are gone?"
- Winston Churchill
"Each of us has a spark of life inside us,
and our highest endeavor ought to be to
set off that spark in one another."
- Kenny Ausubel
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes
you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world
needs is people who can come alive."
- Howard Thurman
"Don't let other people tell you what you want."
– Pat Riley
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
- Joseph Campbell
"I didn't want to get to the end of my life and
find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to
have lived the width of it as well."
- Diane Ackerman
"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
- Mother Teresa

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Joke - How to Install a Redneck Home Security System

How to Install a Redneck Home Security System

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:


Big Momma, Slim and I went for more ammo and some beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed
him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all
the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.


Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman
I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister,
and now wish to withdraw that statement."
- Mark Twain
"Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean
they're not out to get you."
- Colin Sautar
"Life's tough... It's even tougher if you're stupid."
- John Wayne
"Oh what a tangled web we weave when
first we practice to weave."
- Mignon McLaughlin
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women
really suit each other. Perhaps they should live
next-door and just visit now and then."
- Katharine Hepburn
"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will
be sober and you will still be ugly."
- Winston Churchill
"Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing
the matter with this, except that it ain't so."
- Mark Twain
"The reports of my death were greatly exaggerated."
- Mark Twain
"I never loved another person the way I loved myself."
- Mae West
"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on
a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then
I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
"To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
When you're wrong, admit it,
When you're right, shut up."
- Ogden Nash

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Still He Walked...

This was sent to me by my good friend, Anne. I did a search and found out the
author is Carrie McCutcheon. May this bless you on this Easter morning.

Still He Walked
- by Carrie McCutcheon

He could hear the crowds screaming "Crucify" "Crucify".
He could hear the hatred in their voices.
These were His chosen people.
He loved them.

And they were going to crucify Him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened.
His heart was broken,
But still He walked.

He could see the crowd
As He came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.

He knew every smile, laugh, and shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger.
His heart broke,
But still He walked.

Was He scared?
You and I would have been.
So His humanness would have mandated that He was.
He felt alone.

His disciples had left,
Denied, and even betrayed Him.
He searched the crowd for a loving face
And He saw very few.

Then He turned His eyes
To the only One that mattered
And He knew that
He would never be alone.

He looked back at the crowd,
At the people who were spitting at Him,
Throwing rocks at Him
And mocking Him.

And He knew that because of Him,
They would never be alone.
So for them,
He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes
Echoed through the crowd.
The sounds of His cries
Echoed even louder.

The cheers of the crowd,
As His hands and feet
Were nailed to the cross,
Intensified with each blow.

Loudest of all was the still small voice inside His
Heart that whispered "I am with You, My Son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His Son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end His suffering,
But instead He asked God to forgive.
Not to forgive Him,
But to forgive the ones who were persecuting Him.

As He hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw,
Not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be.

And His heart filled with love.
As His body was dying, his heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love He feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.

When I forget how much my God loves me,
I remember His walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
I remember His walk.

When I need reminded of how to live like Christ,
I think of His walk.
And to show Him how much I love Him, I wake up each morning,
Turn my eyes to Him, and I walk.

- Carrie McCutcheon

Saturday, April 11, 2009

sharing a video - What a Wonderful World... and a message...

Easter is a very reflective time for me. Spring is, too. There is so
much to be grateful for... new life, new hope, beauty, sacrifice, love.

I wanted to share with you my favorite song of all time. I get the
biggest grin on my face, and occasionally a tear, every time I view
this. The lyrics are below. I am sharing this because I believe true
gratitude can bring much joy - and you can sense alot of both in this
video. I wanted to let you all know that I am grateful to each one
of you for your visits. It has brought me joy =). God bless...

Wishing all of you a blessed
and joyful Easter.
Love, Val xox

Click on link to view...

"What a Wonderful World"
- by Louis Armstrong

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Easter Puns...

Easter Puns

Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny

Q. What’s the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
A. You ‘nique up on him.

Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way, u
nique up on it.

Q. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A. A receding hareline

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A. A boy scout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A. An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

Q. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be twelve inches long?
A. Then it would be a foot.

Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
A. Just look for the gray hares.

Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?
A. Baby rabbits.

Q. "Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup?"
A. "Looks like the back stroke."

Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A hot cross bunny

Q. Why does the Easter Bunny have such a shiny nose?
A. His powder puff’s on the wrong end.

Q. How do you make a rabbit stew?
A. Make it wait for 3 hours!

Q. What goes ha-ha-clunk?
A. A bunny laughing its head off.

Quotes on Life and Living...

Quotes on Life and Living (part 1)

"Each day is a 24-hour miracle to be treated with
awe and experienced to its fullest."
- HBS, "Daily Thoughts"
"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.
All life is an experiment."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that?
We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves.
We must believe that we are gifted for something and that
this thing must be attained."
– Marie Curie
"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact."
– William James
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."
- James Dean
"Not only is your story worth telling,
but it can be told in words so painstakingly
eloquent that it becomes a song."
- Gloria Naylor
"Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."
- Grandma Moses
"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee,
the small child, and the smiling face. Smell the rain and
feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential
and fight for your dreams."
- Ashley Smith
"The most important things in life aren't things."
- Anthony J. D'Angelo
"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced...
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice."
- Cherokee Proverb
"It is good to have an end to journey toward;
but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
- Ursula K. Le Guin
"That I will never come again is what makes life so sweet."
- Emily Dickinson

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Joke - What is Easter?

What is Easter?

Three fools died and are at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they
can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first fool,
"What is Easter?"

He replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together,
eats turkey, and are thankful... "

"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second fool the same question,
"What is Easter?"

The second one replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree,
exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second fool, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong,
and then peers over his glasses at the third fool and asks, "What is Easter?"

The third fool smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus
and his disciples were eating at the Last Supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned
over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was
stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails
through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

Then he continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...
and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Forgive Quickly...

I received this little story in an email and thought it was
worth sharing.
It was written by Steve Goodier.

Forgiving Quickly

Whoever said it first got it right: "Life is too short for drama and
petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive
quickly." What a wise and wonderful way to live – but not as easy as
it seems.

Personally, I'm all for lingering kisses, raucous laughter, and true
love. I can't wait. But the idea of forgiving quickly is a tough one.
It certainly belongs on the list; it's just that it doesn't come
easily. How I enjoy my righteous indignation. Forgiving can be like
drinking bitter medicine; I have to force myself to swallow … and even
that in small doses.

In his audio book “Living Faith” (Random House Audio Books, 1996),
U.S. President Jimmy Carter talks about forgiving quickly. He says
that without the knowledge that he can be forgiven, it would be
impossible for him to face his own shortcomings.

He relates that both he and his wife, Rosalynn, are "strong-willed"
persons who find it difficult to admit being at fault.

One day, after a particularly harsh argument, Carter decided that he
would never let another day end with each of them angry with the
other. So he went out to his wood shop and cut a thin piece of walnut,
a little smaller than a bank check. On it, he carved the words, "Each
evening forever this is good for an apology or forgiveness, as you
desire." That evening, he gave the plaque to Rosalynn. He reports
that, so far, he has been able to honor it each time Rosalyn has
presented it to him.

With his plaque, Carter made it possible for them to forgive quickly.
They created a climate where it became safe to admit mistakes and
where it was expected that those mistakes would be forgiven.

I suspect that if we can forgive quickly, we won't have much problem
with all of the kissing, laughing and loving. And we'll probably do
more of it.

- written by Steve Goodier

Easter Knock - Knocks...

Easter Knock - Knocks

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ether who?
Ether bunny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Juan who?
Juan more ether bunny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Justin who?
Justin other Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Samoa who?
Samoa Ether Bunnies.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Beryl who?
Beryl of ether bunnies.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Dewey who?
Dewey have to listen to any
more ether bunny jokes?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about
all these ether bunnies?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cargo who?
Cargo “beep, beep”… run over
all the ether bunnies.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Boo who?
Don’t cry – all the Ether bunnies
will be back again next year!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Fun and Funny Easter Quotes...

Fun and Funny Easter Quotes

"Those have a short Lent, who owe
money to be paid at Easter."
- Benjamin Franklin

"All I really need is love, but a little chocolate
now and then doesn't hurt!"
- Lucy Van Pelt in Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz

"My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later
because then you get stuff cheaper."
- Amy Sedaris

"I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in
Chicago for the past two months, and you know how
it is, yelling for help on the way home every night.
Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time,
for bunnies, the little kids use porcupines."
- Fred Allen

"Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter.
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Xmas."
- Jack Handy

"Alzheimer's Advantage #2: You can
hide your own Easter eggs."
- Author Unknown

"There's nothing better than a good friend,
except a good friend with CHOCOLATE."
- Linda Grayson, "The Pickwick Papers"

"Here comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail,
Hippity hoppity,
Easter's on its way.

Bringin' ev'ry girl and boy
A basketful of Easter joy,
Things to make your Easter
Bright and gay.

He's got jelly beans for Tommy,
Colored eggs for sister Sue.
There's an orchid for your mommy,
And an Easter bonnet too. Oh!

Here comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail,
Hippity hoppity,
Happy Easter Day!"
- from the 1971 TV special, "Here Comes Peter Cottontail"

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Two animal videos...

I have two happy animal videos for you. They are worth watching.
Animals always make me smile and warm my heart. Click on their
links to view. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Easter Quotes...

Easter Quotes

"And he said to them, 'Do not be amazed; you are looking
for Jesus the Nazarene, who has been crucified. He has risen;
He is not here; behold, here is the place where they laid Him."
- Mark 16:6
"The resurrection gives my life meaning
and direction and the opportunity to start
over no matter what my circumstances."
- Robert Flatt
"On Easter Day the veil between time and
eternity thins to gossamer."
- Douglas Horton
"The stone was rolled away from the door, not to permit
Christ to come out, but to enable the disciples to go in."
- Peter Marshall
"If Easter says anything to us today, it says this:
You can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.
You can nail it to a cross, wrap it in winding sheets
and shut it up in a tomb, but it will rise!"
- Clarence W. Hall
"Earth's saddest day and gladdest day
were just three days apart!"
- Susan Coolidge
"Easter spells out beauty, the rare
beauty of new life."
- S.D. Gordon
"Blue skies with white clouds on summer days.
A myriad of stars on clear moonlit nights. Tulips and
roses and violets and dandelions and daisies. Bluebirds and
laughter and sunshine and Easter. See how He loves us!"
- Alice Chapin
"Where man sees but withered leaves,
God sees sweet flowers growing."
- Albert Laighton
"'Twas Easter-Sunday. The full-blossomed trees
filled all the air with fragrance and with joy."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Do not abandon yourselves to despair.
We are the Easter people and hallelujah
is our song."
- Pope John Paul II

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Joke - Redneck Goes To College

Redneck Goes To College

Two redneck pals, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking
beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through
life without an education. Tomorrow I'm going to the community
college and signing up for some classes."

Bob agrees it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of
Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes - Math,
English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim asks. "What's that?"

The Dean explains, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a
weed eater?"


"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think you
have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the Dean continues, "Because you have a yard, I think,
logically, that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, logically, you might have a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically, you must
have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you
must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing! You were able to find all that
out because I have a weed eater!"

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes - how he
is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob asks, "What is that?"

Jim explains, "I will give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"


"Then you are a homosexual."

Friday, April 3, 2009

Cheerfulness Quotes...

Cheerfulness Quotes

"The most certain sign of wisdom is continual cheerfulness;
her state is like the things above the moon,
always clear and serene."
- Michael de Montaigne
"Cheerfulness removes the rust from the mind,
lubricates our inward machinery, and enables us to do our work
with fewer creaks and groans. If people were universally cheerful,
there wouldn't be half the quarreling or a tenth part of the
wickedness there is. Cheerfulness, too, promotes health and
morality. Cheerful people live longest here on earth,
afterward in our hearts."
- Author Unknown
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,
but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh
"Whoever is happy will make others happy too."
- Anne Frank
"A smile is the light in the window that
lets people know you're home."
- Author Unknown
"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.
These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along
life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."
- Joseph Addison
"If I keep a green bough in my heart,
the singing bird will come."
- A Chinese Proverb
"A happy person is not a person in a certain
set of circumstances, but rather a person with
a certain set of attitudes."
- Hugh Downs
"The path to cheerfulness is to sit cheerfully and act and
speak as if cheerfulness were already there."
- William James
"Cheerfulness, sir, is the principle ingredient
in the composition of health."
- Arthur Murphy
"So of cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more
it is spent, the more it remains."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A man has to live with himself, and he should see
to it that he always has good company."
- Charles Evans Hughes
"When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a
bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom,
taking the world into my arms."
- Mary Oliver

Joke - True Lent (Boudreaux) Style...

True Lent (Boudreaux) Style

Each Friday night after work, Boudreaux would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were
Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat
on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was
causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally
talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that he become a
Catholic. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended
Mass.. and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You
were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived,
and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed
into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him,
he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Boudreaux,
clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over
the grilling meat and chanted, "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a
deer, but now you is a catfish."