Saturday, September 24, 2011

Autumn Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Autumn Quotes and a Bible Verse

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper
time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

- Galatians 6:9

"For man, autumn is a time of harvest, of gathering together.
For nature, it is a time of sowing, of scattering abroad."

- Adwin Way Teale

"The summer fades and passes and October comes.
We'll smell smoke then, and feel an unexpected sharpness,
a thrill of nervousness, swift elation,
a sense of sadness and departure."

- Thomas Wolfe

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns."

- George Eliot

"Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect
pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter."

- Carol Bishop Hipps

"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor,
summer an oil painting,
and autumn a mosaic of them all."

- Stanley Horowitz

"The breezes taste of apple peel.
The air is full of smells to feel -
Ripe fruit, old footballs, burning brush,
New books, erasers, chalk, and such.
The bee, his hive, well-honeyed hum,
And Mother cuts chrysanthemums.
Like plates washed clean with suds, the days
Are polished with a morning haze."

- John Updike

"If you do not sow in the spring,
you will not reap in the autumn."

- An Irish Proverb

"Even if something is left undone, everyone must take
time to sit still and watch the leaves turn."

- Elizabeth Lawrence



- E. E. Cummings

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Parenting and Children Quotes and a Verse...

Parenting and Children Quotes and a Bible Verse

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he
is old he will not turn from it.
- Proverbs 22:6

“Before I got married I had six theories
about bringing up children; now I have six
children and no theories.”
- John Wilmot

"Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it."
- From 'Not Your Average Dictionary'

"A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice,
especially when she's taking a nap."
- Author Unknown

“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld

"While we try to teach our children all about life,
our children teach us what life is all about."
- Angela Schwindt

"Although there are many trial marriages...
there is no such thing as a trial child."
- Gail Sheehy

"Don't worry that children never listen to you;
worry that they are always watching you."
- Robert Fulghum

"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention
is to sit down and look comfortable."
- Lane Olinghouse

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.
One is roots. The other is wings."
- Hodding Carter, Jr.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"I recorded a song called 'I Fall to Pieces', and I
was in a car wreck. Now I'm really worried because I
have a brand-new record, and it's called 'Crazy'."
- Patsy Cline

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
- Steven Wright

"I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said
'pet supplies'. So I did. Then I went outside and saw
a sign that said 'compact cars'."
- Steven Wright

"I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
'There's water in the carburetor.' I said,
'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake.'"
- Henny Youngman

"I hate small towns because once you've seen the
cannon in the park there's nothing else to do."
- Lenny Bruce

"Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are
like cats. Yell at a cat one time... they're gone."
- Lenny Bruce

"If it can't be fixed with duct tape or WD-40,
it's a female problem."
- Jason Love

"Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father
was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John."
- Jim Gaffigan

"I was watching the Animal Planet.
Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby?
Why don't they just call that one the female?"
- Jim Gaffigan

"There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is
a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud."
- Carl Sandburg

Friday, September 16, 2011

More of You Might Be a Redneck If...

More of You Might Be a Redneck If...

* A full tank of gas doubles the value of your truck.
* A woman says she's game, so you shoot her.
* Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
* Someone accuses you of lying through your tooth.
* Stealing road signs is a family outing.
* Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
* The air freshener hanging in your car lost its scent more than
five years ago.
* You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool
Whip on the side.
* The auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts.
* The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
* The most common phrase in your house is "someone go jiggle
the handle."
* The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
* The words Nascar, tire, dog, or shotgun appeared in your
wedding vows.
* There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.
* There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack
hanging in your truck.
* You attend a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops.
* You can entertain yourself for more then an hour with a
fly swatter.
* You clean your house with a water hose.
* You proposed in a Denny's.
* You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.
* You come home from the garbage dump with more than you
went with.
* None of these jokes are making sense to you.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Joke - Fishing...


A man was stopped by a game warden, with two buckets
of fish, leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game
warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch
those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are
my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" said the warden.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake
and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they
jump back into their buckets, and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment,
and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"Alright. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.

The man poured the fish into the water and stood and
waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned
to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man asked.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game
warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The FISH."

"What fish?" the man asked.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Joke - A Million...

A Million

A man was praying to God. He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

The guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God answered.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "A million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God,
what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "A million dollars to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God, can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure, in a second!"

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Joke - Freezer Meals...

Freezer Meals

I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals.
I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot
Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or
"Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what
he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those
things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels.
You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever",
"Anything", "I Don't Know", "I Don't Care", "Something Good", or
"Food". My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my
husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know
that it is there waiting.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Back-To-School Jokes...

Back-To-School Jokes

These were collected from Reader's Digest online.

At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade
teachers were named Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One
morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a
flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.

"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company
and I'm keeping her home."

- submitted By Merri Lee Colvin


Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i.
Millie: I is ...
Teacher: No Millie. Always say, "I am."
Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.


Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I
work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his
classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him
mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"

Knowing he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer
moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?"
He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get
this kid out of his locker."

- submitted by Helen Button


Danny was hard to miss at our school. A Civil War buff
who forever wore his Confederate overcoat, he was a friend
to all. When he was passed over during the vote for senior
superlatives, many of us were disappointed; surely there
must have been a category suitable for him.

The whole school was pleased, therefore, when the
yearbook adviser surprised us with an additional photo.
There was Danny, decked out in his gray coat, with the
caption: "Most Likely to Secede".

- submitted by Michael G. Stewart


Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop sign.
I was pulled over by a police officer, who recognized me as
his former English teacher.

"Mrs. Brown," he said, "those stop signs are periods, not

- submitted by Gail Brown


I'm a high school geometry teacher and I started one lesson
on triangles by reading a theorem. "If an angle is an
exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than
the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior

I noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked
him why. "Well," he replied sincerely, "I'm waiting until you
start speaking English."

- submitted by Patricia Strickland


While working in the library at a university, I was often
shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of
paying their fees for overdue books. One evening an older
student returned two books that were way overdue and
threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to
pay. I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but
she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand,"
she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!"

- sumbitted by Alison Satterfield

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Joke - School Zone...

School Zone

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns,
drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit
when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture
of his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by
again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again
for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings,"
the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in
the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for
not wearing a seat belt!

Fun and Funny Lily Tomlin Quotes...

Fun and Funny Lily Tomlin Quotes

"Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination."

"Teflon brain - nothing sticks."

"We are all in this together, by ourselves."

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst
those in touch with it."

"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak
may be thinking up something else."

"Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying,
but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"

"Man invented language to satisfy
his deep need to complain."

"The road to success is always under construction."

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.
Now I see that I should have been more specific."

"Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse."

"After all, in private, we're all misfits."

Monday, September 5, 2011

Labor Day Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Labor Day Quotes and a Bible Verse

Do not labor for the food that perishes,
but for the food that endures to eternal life,
which the Son of Man will give to you.
For on Him God the Father has set His seal.
- John 6:27

"Work isn't to make money; you work to justify life."
- Marc Chagall

"Without labor nothing prospers."
- Sophocles

"If any man tells you he loves America, yet hates labor,
he is a liar. If any man tells you he trusts America,
yet fears labor, he is a fool."

- Abraham Lincoln

"The end of labor is to gain leisure."
- Aristotle

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives
a bountiful crop."

- Ovid

"Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold.
But other times it's essential to take time off and to
make sure that your most important decision in the
day simply consists of choosing which color to slide
down on the rainbow."

- Douglas Pagels

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots
voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of
hooting hoots and standing on his head for the
edification of the pathologist and trained nurse,
a little later on."

- Elbert Hubbard

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end
to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend."

- Doug Larson

"Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child
will be going back to school the next day. It would
have been called Independence Day, but that name
was already taken."

- Bill Dodds

Oh my goodness, I think this is working!!! LOL  I may be able to post some...
we will see... Here is a joke today =).  Love you all!!  Val =)

I Need Help

Doctor O'Hara," Ranjit pleaded, "I've got trouble. Every time I get
into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed,
I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You
gotta help me, I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the psychiatrist
Dr. O'Hara. "Come and see me three times a week and I'll cure your

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."
"In that case, I'll sleep on it," answered Ranjit.

Six months later the doctor met Ranjit in the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars,"
smiled Ranjit.
"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed."