Friday, July 30, 2010

Hardship, Pain, and Sorrow Quotes...

Hardship, Pain, and Sorrow Quotes

"Pain makes man think. Thought makes man wise.
Wisdom makes life endurable."
- John Patrick

"Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain."
- Robert Gary Lee

"Life is a series of experiences,
each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard
to realize this. For the world was built to develop character,
and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we
endure help us in our marching onward.”
- Henry Ford

"Life’s blows cannot break a person whose spirit
is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm."
- Norman Vincent Peale

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."
- Kenji Miyazawa

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."
- Henry W. Longfellow

"Pain is never permanent."
- St. Teresa of Avila

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can hold."
- Kahlil Gibran

"Clouds may come, but clouds must go,
and they have a silver lining. For beyond them all,
you know, the sun or moon is shining."
- Author Unknown

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for
the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished
your daily task, go to sleep in peace."
- Victor Hugo

"The pain passes, but the beauty remains."
- Pierre-August Renoir

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Joke - Funeral Comments...

Funeral Comments

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation
in Heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and
friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear
them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a
great doctor of my time, and a great family man, too."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband, and a school teacher who made a huge impact
on our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... look, he's

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Funny - Church Bulletin Bloopers...

Church Bulletin Bloopers

These sentences (with all the bloopers) actually appeared in
church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.


Don't let worry kill you off - Let the Church help.


For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married
on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.


At the evening service tonight,
the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.


Eight new choir robes are currently needed
due to the addition of several new members and to
the deterioration of some older ones.


Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -
prayer and medication to follow.


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet
in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is
invited to attend this tragedy.


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Joke - A Blonde Goes Ice-Fishing...

a re-run of a favorite:

A Blonde Goes Ice-Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on
the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools"
together, she left for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning
her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the
ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a
Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO

The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the
opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to
cut her hole.

The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER

She stopped, looked skyward, and asked, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE

Monday, July 26, 2010

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with
a sling shot."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot,
but I always found them."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"Walking isn't a lost art. One must, by some means,
get to the garage."
- Evan Esar

"It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together,
but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over
the highway."
- Evan Esar

"If I did not wear torn pants, orthopedic shoes,
frantic, disheveled hair, that is to say, if I did not
tone down my beauty, people would go mad.
Married men would run amok."
- Brenda Weland

"Choose a wife by your ears, not your eyes."
- A French Proverb

"Marriage is a great institution,
but I'm not ready for an institution."
- Mae West

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."
- Groucho Marx

"I could dance with you 'til the cows come home.
On second thought, I'll dance with the cows 'til
you come home."
- Groucho Marx

"He who kisses girl on hillside is not level."
- Confucius

"C is for cookie, it's good enough for me;
oh cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C."
- Rodney Dangerfield


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Laughter Quotes and a Verse...

Laughter Quotes and a Verse

"A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
- Proverbs 17:22

"The happy heart runs with the river, floats on the air,
lifts to the music, soars with the eagle,
hopes with the prayer."
- Maya Angelou

“I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost
unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
- Bob Hope

"Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of
disappointment, and strengthen the spirit for
the formidable tasks that always lie ahead."
- D. Eisenhower

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no
common denominator, but among those whom I love,
I can: all of them make me laugh."
- W. H. Auden

"There can never be enough said of the virtues,
the dangers, the power of a shared laughter."
- Francoise Sagan

"I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look
around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has
always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your
darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh
about if you try hard enough."
- Red Skelton

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."
- e. e. Cummings

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side affects."
- Arnold H. Glasow

"Laughter is the best medicine for a long and happy life.
He who laughs - lasts!"
- Wilferd A. Peterson

Saturday, July 24, 2010

my special friends, please read...

"In life you can never do a kindness too soon because
you never know how soon it will be too late."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have two special friends, Linda and Jim. They live a couple
of blocks away. Linda and I have become close friends over
the past couple of years. Through her, I have gotten to know
her husband Jim. They are down-to-earth, giving, friendly,
and well-liked in the community.

Jim has ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). I have seen him go from
"feeling a little weak" in his right arm to being affected over
much of his body in just a few months.

Can you please visit the website below and watch the video in
the upper left hand corner. Click around and read. Please give
as you feel led and pray for the those with ALS and their

I love you, Jim and Linda!!!

- This is also dedicated to the memory of John Taylor.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Nature Quotes...

Nature Quotes

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful.
Welcome it in every face, in every sky, in every flower."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly,
our whole life would change."
- Buddha

"People from a planet without flowers would think we must be
mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us."
- Iris Murdoch

"'Tis my faith that every flower enjoys the air it breathes!"
- William Wordsworth

"Nature provides exceptions to every rule."
- Margaret Fuller

"In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect.
Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're
still beautiful."
- Alice Walker

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.
Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.
The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the
storms their energy, while cares will drop off
like autumn leaves."
- John Muir

"The pebble in the brook secretly thinks itself a precious stone."
- Jerome P.

"Human subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful,
more simple or more direct than does nature, because in her
inventions, nothing is lacking and nothing is superfluous."
- Leonardo da Vinci

"It is a good idea to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark
so that all its shy presence may haunt you and possess you
in a reverie of suspended thought."
- James Douglas

"I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck."
- Emma Goldman

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Joke - Nerd Overpopulation...

Nerd Overpopulation

A truck driver, hauling a full load of computers, stops his tractor-
trailer for a beer. As he approaches the bar door, he sees a large
saying, "Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!"

He enters the bar and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says, "You smell
kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"

The truck driver says, "I drive a truck. The smell is just from
the computers I'm hauling."

The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," and
serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around
his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and
pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without
saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The totally shocked truck driver asks, "Why did you do that?"

The bartender says, "Don't worry. The nerds are overpopulating
Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."

The truck driver finishes his beer and gets back in his truck. He
heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an
accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and
computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a
crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all
engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest
clothes he has ever seen.

He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what
happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away,
felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes
zooming up and jumps out of his car screaming at the truck driver
to stop shooting.

The truck driver asks, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in

"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Joke - Bubba Hang-glides....

Bubba Hang-glides

Bubba decides to take up hang-gliding. He saves up and buys a
brand new glider.

He takes his new hang-glider to the highest mountain, and after
struggling to the top, he is ready to take flight! He takes off
running and reaches the edge. Into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Ma and Pa Hicks are sittin' on the porch swing
talkin' 'bout the good ol' days, when Ma spots the biggest bird
she ever seen!

"Look at the size of that bird, Pa!" she exclaims.

Pa raises up,"Git my gun, Ma!"

She runs into the house and comes back with his pump shotgun.

He grabs the gun and takes careful aim. BANG... BANG... BANG... BANG!
The monster-sized bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Pa," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba."


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Silly Laws Still in Existence...

Silly Laws Still in Existence

1. In Missouri, it is illegal to drive with an un-caged bear.

2. It is illegal to fall asleep under a hair dryer in Florida.

3. In Pacific Grove, California, it is illegal to kill or threaten
a butterfly.

4. It is illegal to hunt camels in Arizona.

5. In Nebraska, if you sell beer in a bar there must be a kettle
of soup on the stove.

6. It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter
in church in Alabama.

7. In North Dakota, it is illegal to sell beer and pretzels at the
same time in any bar or restaurant.

8. In Atlanta, Georgia, you may not tie a giraffe to a telephone
pole or street lamp.

9. In New York, it is illegal to throw a ball at someone's head
for fun.

10. In North Dakota, it is illegal to lie down and fall asleep
with your shoes on.

11. It is illegal to get a fish drunk in Ohio.

12. Christmas decorations must be taken down before
January 14, in Maine.

13. In Maine, it is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while
committing a murder.

14. In Nevada, it is illegal for a man to buy drinks for more
than three people at a time.

15. It is illegal to serve butter substitutes in state prisons
in Wisconsin.

16. In Connecticut, a pickle is not officially a pickle unless
it bounces.

17. It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of
candy weighing more than 50 pounds in Idaho.

18. Bingo games can't last more than five hours in
North Carolina.

19. Once convicted of drunk driving, you may never again
have personalized plates in New Jersey.

20. It's illegal to walk across a street on your hands
in Connecticut.

One wonders if any of these laws are enforced,
and what is up with the bouncing pickle, Connecticut?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman
I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister
and now wish to withdraw that statement."
- Mark Twain

"What would men be without women?
Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."
- Mark Twain

"I am at two with nature."
- Woody Allen

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the
things that make you want to live to be a hundred."
- Woody Allen

"Eternity is really long - especially near the end."
- Woody Allen

"His mother should have thrown him away
and kept the stork."
- Mae West

"He who hesitates is last."
- Mae West

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of
Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
- Mark Russell

"Eagles may soar high,
but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
- John Benfield

"I love mankind. It's people I can't stand."
- Charles M. Schulz