Sunday, February 28, 2010

Self-Esteem Quotes and a Verse...

Self-Esteem Quotes and a Verse

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you
not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,
but to think with sober judgment, each according to the
measure of faith that God has assigned."
- Romans 12:3

"Jesus, help me to simplify my life by learning what You
want me to be and becoming that person."
- St Therese

"If you are what you should be,
you will set the whole world ablaze!"
- St Catherine of Siena

"Don't be afraid to be amazing."
- Andy Offutt Irwin

"The purpose of our lives is to give birth to
the best which is within us."
- Marianne Williamson

"Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what
a gold mine you are doesn't mean you shine any less."
- Author Unknown

"Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you
feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes
the inner voice which says, 'This is the real me,'
and when you have found that attitude, follow it."
- James Truslow Adams

"I cannot give you a formula for success,
but I can give you the formula for failure:
Try to please everybody."
- Herbert Byard Swope

"The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot."
- Michael Altshuler

"Walking your talk is a great way to motivate yourself.
No one likes to live a lie. Be honest with yourself, and you will
find the motivation to do what you advise others to do."
- Vince Poscente

"Humility doesn't think less of yourself.
It means thinking of yourself less."
- Author Unknown

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Reverendfun Cartoons...

This may be the last week of Reverendfun for awhile. I have to collect
more for posting. I hope you've enjoyed the last few week's run of this
fun cartoon. Visit their
website and sign up to
receive them by email!
Now on to the cartoons!

Reverendfun Cartoons

Friday, February 26, 2010

Inspirational Life Quotes...

Inspirational Life Quotes

"Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."
- Grandma Moses

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because
you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull
not to attack you because you're a vegetarian."
- Dennis Wholey

"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?"
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes."
- Sara Teasdale

"Breathe. Let go.
And remind yourself that this very moment is
the only one you know you have for sure."
- Oprah Winfrey

"The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes."
- Frank Lloyd Wright

"Enjoyment is not a goal,
it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity."
- Paul Goodman

"It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something
that makes a life worth living."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough."
- Emily Dickinson

“Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!”
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Do you have a favorite?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Joke - Washroom...


Leaving Montreal for Quebec, I decided to make a stop at a rest area on the
side of the road.

I went into the washroom.

The first stall was taken so I went to the second stall. I'd just sat down when I
heard a voice from the next stall, "Hi there, how's it going?"

Now I'm not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on
the side of the road. I didn't know what to say, but finally I said, "Not bad... "

Then the voice said, "So, what are you doing?"

I thought that was kind of weird, but I said, "Well, I'm just going to the bathroom,
then I'm going back East... "

The voice interrupted, "Look, I'm going to have to call you back. Every time I ask
you a question, this goober in the next stall keeps answering me!"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Joke - Office Manager...

Office Manager

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come
into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place
you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds
familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees
by their last name only... Smith, Jones, Baker... That's all. I am to be referred
to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, now I'd like to talk to you about... "

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A Funny - The Family Feud...

The Family Feud

Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared
on the game show Family Feud (Family Fortunes in the UK):

Name something a blind person might use: a sword
Name a song with moon in the title: blue suede moon
Name a bird with a long neck: a penguin
Name an occupation where you need a torch: a burglar
Name a famous brother and sister: Bonnie and Clyde
Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers: a horse
Name something that floats in the bath: water
Name something you wear on the beach: a deck chair
Name something red: my cardigan
Name a famous cowboy: Buck Rogers
Name a famous royal: mail
Name a number you have to memorize: 7
Name something you do before going to bed: sleep
Name something you put on walls: roofs
Name something in the garden that's green: a scarecrow
Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine: dishes
Name something you might be allergic to: skiing
Name a famous bridge: the bridge over troubled waters
Name something a cat does: goes to the toilet
Name a continent: Italy
Name something you do in the bathroom: decorate
Name an animal you might see at the zoo: a dog
Name something slippery: a con man
Name a kind of ache: a pancake
Name a food that can be brown or white: potato
Name a potato topping: jam
Name a famous Scotsman: Jock
Name something with a hole in it: window
Name a non-living object with legs: plant
Name a domestic animal: leopard
Name a part of the body beginning with 'N': knee
Name a way of cooking fish: cod
Name something you clean: your sister


Monday, February 22, 2010

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Adam is the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law."
- Mark Twain

"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see,
I have friends in both places."
- Mark Twain

"Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed."
- Mark Twain

"We had a depression fair in the back yard. A major game there was
Pin the Blame on the Donkey."
- Richard Lewis

"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when
you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks,
and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying
themselves at a party when they were shot."
- Ellen Degeneres

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller
hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose."
- Winston Churchill

"I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
but eventually it came back to me."
- Author Unknown

"My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don't
mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters."
- Brian Kiley

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands
and two of them were just napping."
- Rita Rudner

"Always go to other people’s funerals,
otherwise they won’t come to yours."
- Yogi Berra

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Joy Quotes and a Verse...

Joy Quotes and a Verse

"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again - rejoice!"
- Philippians 4:4, NLT

"There is one and only one possible road to joy: selfless love."
- Peter Kreeft

"Joy is the feeling of grinning inside."
- Melba Colgrove

"Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes
us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us."
- Orison Swett Marden

“A sense of humor... is needed armor.
Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign
that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.”
- Hugh Sidey

"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls."
- Mother Teresa

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,
but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
- Thich Nhat Hanh

"Joy is not in things; it is in us."
- Richard Wagner

"Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering,
not in the victory itself."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy."
- Kahlil Gibran

"There are those that give with joy, and that joy is their reward."
- Kahlil Gibran

"Joy is increased by spreading it to others."
- Robert Murray McCheyne

"Joy delights in joy."
- William Shakespeare

Friday, February 19, 2010

Inspirational Life Quotes...

Inspirational Life Quotes

"When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light,
for your life and strength."
- Shawnee Chief Tecumseh

"Each day when I awake, I know I have one more day to make
a difference in someone's life."
- James Mann

"That first peak is the best place to pause and look back, to see if
you took the easiest route, to learn the lessons from the first climb.
And it is the best place to examine the terrain ahead, to change your
plans and goals, to take a deep breath and begin climbing again."
- Michael Johnson

"So whatever it is you want, need or desire, or just like to have,
you better try to get it now, 'cause this is the only time there is."
- Della Reese

"I try to take one day at a time,
but sometimes several days attack me at once."
- Jennifer Yane

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief
requirements of life, when all that we need to make us
really happy is something to be enthusiastic about."
- Charles Kingsley

"The soul which has no fixed purpose in life is lost;
to be everywhere is to be nowhere."
- Michel de Montaigne

"Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things."
- G. K. Chesterton

"The great use of life is to spend it for something that
will outlast it."
- William James

"A handful of pine-seed will cover mountains with green
majesty of a forest. I too will set my face to the wind and
throw my handful of seed on high."
- Fiona MacLeod

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Funny - Dear Abby Letters...

Dear Abby Letter

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected
for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. There are the usual signs.
The phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently. When I ask their names
she always says, 'just some friends from work, you don’t know them.' I try to stay
awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep.

I have never approached the subject with my wife as I have been scared to know
the truth.

Last night she went out again, and I decided to finally check on her. Around
midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good
view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite
shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the golf shop where I
bought it?

Thanks, Jim

1 1 1

Another Batch of Dear Abby Letters

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when
confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen

Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour
every week for two years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until
one night he came home sober.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Joke - Oldies Lyrics Revised...

Oldies Lyrics Revised

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to
accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the Limbo
as if it were yesterday. They include:

Bobby Darin
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

Herman's Hermits
Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr
I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

The Bee Gees
How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

Roberta Flack
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash
I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon
Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

Procol Harem
A Whiter Shade of Hair

Leo Sayer
You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

Denture Queen

Tony Orlando
Knock Three Times On The Ceiling If
You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore
It's My Procedure,
And I'll Cry If I Want To

Willie Nelson
On The Commode Again

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Bringing you a little bit of Spring...

Are you tired of the winter and all the white stuff falling? Click on the flower graphic below.
When a page pops up, start clicking your mouse around. Bringing you a bit of Spring joy early...
Val =)

animation by Charity

A Funny - Leave Your Name At The Beep...

Leave Your Name at the Beep

Here are actual answering machine greetings recorded and verified by
the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machines:

* A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we're not here. So, leave a message.

* Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid
institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends,
you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty
of money.

* Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

* Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

* Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need
their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number
and they will get back to you.

* Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message and then wait by the phone until I call you back.

* This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic, thought-recording
device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your
reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

* Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself
with one of these magnets.

... thanks, Donna!!

Have you ever recorded a humorous message?
Would you like to share it?

Monday, February 15, 2010

Funny Famous Insults...

Funny Famous Insults

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker

"He had the sort of face that makes you realize God does have
a sense of humor."
- Bill Bryson

"I never forget a face,
but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
- Groucho Marx

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?"
- Mark Twain

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder

"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation,
but not the power of speech."
- George Bernard Shaw

"A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein,
but with the attention span of Daffy Duck."
- Tom Shale on Robin Williams

"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of
Congress, but I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence."
- Ashleigh Brilliant

"You have delighted us long enough."
- Jane Austen

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day! Love Quotes...

Happy Valentine's Day to all of my dear friends out there! May you have a wonderful
day spent with your other half. If you haven't given him/her a card yet, how about
copying these quotes (and maybe some romantic jokes from last week) and tucking
them into their card?

If you don't have a dear to spend your day with, please pamper yourself today.
Sending out love and joy... Val =)

Quotes and a Verse for Valentine's Day

"Love is what binds us together in perfect harmony."
- Colossians 3:14

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness,
a tender look which becomes a habit."
- Peter Ustinov

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other,
but in looking together in the same direction."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and
persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and
unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created
for years or even generations."
- Nikki Giovanni

"Thou art to me a delicious torment."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding,
mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good
and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes
allowances for human weaknesses.”
- Ann Landers

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to happy,
even if you're not part of their happiness."
- Jean Zheng

"Love is my religion - I could die for it."
- John Keats

"Nobody ever measured, not even poets, how much a heart can hold."
- Zelda Fitzgerald

"Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one."
- A Japanese Proverb

"Ah me! Love can not be cured by herbs!"
- Ovid

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania."
- Dorothy Parker

Friday, February 12, 2010

Attitude Quotes...

Quotes About Our Attitude Toward Others

"One might well say that mankind is divisible into two great classes:
hosts and guests."
– Max Beerbohm

"I don't like that man. I must get to know him better."
- Abraham Lincoln

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant
of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life
you will have been all of these."
- George Washington Carver

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above
the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader
concerns of all humanity."
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

"You are a mirror for others -
reflecting back the brilliance of their own potential."
- Author Unknown

"Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse.
But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be,
and you make him what he should be."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile,
a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act
of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
- Leo Buscaglia

"The praise that comes from love does not make us vain,
but more humble."
- James M. Barrie

"If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say
it was because I could not swim."
- Margaret Thatcher

"Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?"
- Dennis and Wendy Mannering

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Joke - Things Not To Say To Your Valentine's Date...

Things Not To Say To Your Valentine's Date

1. "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use
this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."

2. "People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell."

3. "I used to come here all the time with my ex."

4. "I didn't say you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't
hurt to consider it."

5. "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my
voice on the answering machine every hour.

6. "I like clay. It's mushy."

7. "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be
I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."

8. "And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."

9. "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good
butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."

10. "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people
I date just won't be as smart as I am."

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Valentine's Day Jokes for Married Couples...

Valentine's Day Jokes for Married Couples

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the “y” becomes silent. And so does the husband.

A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact,
I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he’ll be late
for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?” The father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying
for it.”

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget
it once.

Cosmetics: A woman’s way of keeping a man from reading between
the lines.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something
you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Marriage is a three ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring,
and the suffering.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Jokes for Valentine's Day...

Puns for Valentine's Day

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: "Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?"

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day?
A: "I love ewe!"

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q: What did one light bulb say to the other?
A: "I love you a whole watt!"

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A: Hog and kisses

Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: "I find you very attractive."

Q: What did one pickle say to the other?
A: "You mean a great dill to me."

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
A: "I love you a ton!"

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: "Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey."

Q: What did one oar say to the other?
A: "Can I interest you in a little row-mance?"

1 1 1

Male: Do you love me?
Female: Yes, dear.
Male: Would you die for me?
Female: No. Mine is an undying love.

Female: Do you really love me, or do you just think you do?
Male: Honey, I really love you. I haven't done any thinking yet.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Super Bowl Ads...

Did your favorite team win the Super Bowl yesterday? I don't normally
watch the Super Bowl. I used to for the commercials, but now that they
are on the internet, I have no need to watch it at all. If you missed the
game, here are the commercials. On the right side of the page, the top
ten is listed, if you are in a hurry. If not, all four quarters are worth the
laughs! Click link below to view. Have fun!

Super Bowl Commercials

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."
- Oscar Wilde

"I have met a lot hard-boiled eggs in my time,
but you're twenty minutes."
- Oscar Wilde

"And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they
snap into action immediately: They rent out my room."
- Woody Allen

"I have enough money to last for the rest of my life -
unless I buy something."
- Jackie Mason

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of richest
people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Richard Orben

"I like work, it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
- Jerome K. Jerome

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
- Dave Barry

"One reason I don't drink is because I wish to know
when I am having a good time."
- Nancy Witcher Astor Viscountess

"I'm not afraid of death.
I just don't want to be there when it happens."
- Woody Allen

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Faith Quotes and a Verse...

Faith Quotes and a Verse

'"Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth,
if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,'
and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says
will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you,
whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have
received it, and it will be yours.'"
- Mark 11:22-24

"In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe
and enough shadows to blind those who don't."
- Blaise Pascal
"Faith is to believe what you do not see;
the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."
- St. Augustine
"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary.
To one without faith, no explanation is possible."
- St. Thomas Aquinas
"Without risk, faith is an impossibility."
- Soren Kierkegaard
"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the
whole staircase, just take the first step."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.
It's simply taking God at His word and taking the next step."
- Joni E. Tada
"Fear can't hold a candle to unswerving faith, much less muster up
the guts to even attempt to blow it out."
- B. G. Jett
"He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope,
confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well -
even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly."
- B. C. Forbes
"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death."
- Author Unknown
"When you come to the end of all the light you know,
and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is
knowing that one of two things will happen: Either you will be
given something solid to step on or you will be taught to fly."
- Edward Teller

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Snow!, Cartoons...

We got a big ol' dump of snow in my area last night, maybe a couple
of feet. I read that the nation's capital received its largest snow since
1922! If you are in a snowy place, I hope you have enough warmth,
food, and toilet paper. LOL Stay safe and take care of one another!
I have today's
Reverendfun Cartoons for you. Enjoy!! Sending hugs...
Val =)

Reverendfun Cartoons