Friday, April 30, 2010

New Baby Quotes...

New Baby Quotes

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother,
never. A mother is something absolutely new."
- Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

"A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure,
a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for
innocence on earth, a link between angels and men."
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper

"It is the nature of babies to be in bliss."
- Deepak Chopra

"Who is getting more pleasure from the rocking, baby or me?"
- Nancy Thayer

"There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always
at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers;
and the cat can't get it."
- Irena Chalmers

"If you were to open up a baby's head -
and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should -
you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
- Dave Barry

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite,
something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go
far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite,
more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a
little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs
because it sees the sun shining on its cradle."
- Vincent van Gogh

"When the first baby laughed for the first time,
the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went
skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.
And now when every new baby is born its first laugh
becomes a fairy. So there ought to be."
- James Matthew Barrie

"When babies look beyond you and giggle,
maybe they're seeing angels."
- Eileen Elias Freeman, 'The Angels' Little Instruction Book'

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking
around outside your body."
- Elizabeth Stone

Y dedicated to my daughter, Chelsea, and her third son, Jaxon, who hasn't
been born yet, but is trying very hard to come into this world two months
early. If you are the praying type, please pray for them. Thanks! Val xo

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Funny, Real Signs...

Funny, Real Signs

In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday
please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot
and stand upside down on the draining board.

Outside a secondhand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc.
Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car.

Notice in a farmer's field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free,
but the bull charges.

On a motorway garage:
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps.
Your life may not be worth much, but our petrol is.

Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and don't know it,
there is a day care on the first floor.

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read,
this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop:
We can repair anything.
(Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Funny - Things You Will Never Hear in a Western Movie...

Things You'll Never Hear in a Western Movie

"Can we postpone this duel till 12:05?
I gotta use the little boy's room."

"Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction,
let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

"Let's see... Hardtack and Pemmican... that's three grams of fat,
seven grams of protein, and two starches."

"You 'n Slim round up them strays and I'll tell Cookie to get
started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

"That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint
who shot my therapist!"

"He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon
he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

"Hey Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?"

"It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl, men is from Tombstone,
women is from Dodge."

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Joke - Elderly Driving...

Elderly Driving

A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over
for speeding and this drama unfolds:

Elderly Woman: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Elderly Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license, please?
Elderly Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Elderly Woman: I lost it - four years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Elderly Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Elderly Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Elderly Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Elderly Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk
if you want to see.

The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away
to his car and calls for back-up.

Within minutes, five police cars circle the elderly lady's car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please?!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Elderly Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen
this car and murdered the owner.
Elderly Woman: Murdered the owner?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing that it's empty.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Elderly Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claim that you do not
have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse containing
her license and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license.
He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you, ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, you stole this car, and you
murdered and hacked up the owner.
Elderly Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

* Thanks, Donna!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes...

Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

"I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle
fought for the West."

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles.
So he nailed my other foot to the floor."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood.
I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it."

"Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was.
She said, 'No, but I did get the license number.'"

"I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck."

"I found there was only one way to look thin.
Hang out with fat people."

"I went to see my doctor. 'Doctor, every morning when I get up and
look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?'
He said, 'I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.'"

"Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.'
He told me from now on I have to pay in advance."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.
He said, 'Okay, you're ugly too.'"

For another small dose of Rodney Dangerfield
click on link below:

Rodney Dangerfield in Joy in the Rain

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse...

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make
your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6

"The vision that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in
your heart - this you will build your life by, and this you will become."
- James Allen

"The measure of achievement is not winning awards. It's doing
something you appreciate, something you believe is worthwhile.
I think of my strawberry souffle. I did that at least twenty-
eight times before I finally conquered it."
- Julia Child

"The obstacles that others put in our path can be pushed aside
in any number of ways. The obstacles that you put in your way
can be removed only by the same hands."
- Sophia Bedford-Pierce

"Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions.
You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg."
- Author Unknown

"All the woulda-coulda-shouldas layin' in the sun, talkin' 'bout the things
they woulda-coulda-shoulda done... But all those woulda-coulda-shouldas
all ran away and hid from one little did."
- Shel Silverstein

"If you miss an opportunity, do not cloud your eyes with tears;
keep your vision clear so that you will not miss the next one."
- Author Unknown

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to
make the turn."
- Author Unknown

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
- A Japanese Proverb

"Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Clementine Paddleford

Saturday, April 24, 2010

3 Hairs, Cancer Awareness...

3 Hairs

There was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror, and saw that she had
only two hairs on her head.

"Hmmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair today."

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror, and noticed that she had
only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."

So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror, and noticed that there
wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YAY!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything! It can make or break your day. Everyone you come
in contact with is fighting battles like you. Let's take care of one another.
And don't forget to take care of yourself!

- Author Unknown

If you have cancer or know someone who does,
please visit your local American Cancer Society at
the link below. Enter your zip code in the box on
the right.

American Cancer Society

Also, if you are receiving cancer treatments and want
a special "human angel", click the link below and
sign up for a new personal friend.

Chemo Angels

My sister, Krissy, posted on this subject yesterday, too.
Please visit her post. You will meet my inspiration.

- dedicated to my inspiration John who I love with all my heart.

If anyone wants the cancer ribbons, snag away! Please "save as" to
your computer. Thanks!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Edgar Allan Poe Quotes...

Edgar Allan Poe Quotes

"Words have no power to impress the mind
without the exquisite horror of their reality."

"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat."

"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words
as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."

"Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development,
invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears."

"There is an eloquence in true enthusiasm."

"We loved with love that was more than love."

"I became sane with long intervals of horrible sanity."

"If you wish to forget anything on the spot,
make a note that this thing is to be remembered."

"I have great faith in fools -
my friends call it self-confidence."

"The true genius shudders at incompleteness -
and usually prefers silence to saying something
which is not everything it should be."

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things
that escape those who dream only at night."

"All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream."

"Once upon a midnight dreary,
while I pondered weak and weary... "

Do you have a favorite?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Murphy's Law...

Murphy's Law

"If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong."

"Murphy's Law" can be traced back to Captain Edward A. Murphy,
an American engineer at Muroc, California (later named Edwards Air
Force Base). In 1949 he was working on a project to test the effects
of sudden braking. Time after time his machinery failed. Exasperated
he said of his technician, "If there is any way to do it wrong, he'll
find it." John Paul Stapp picked up on Murphy's phrase and used it at
a press conference.

As with any good idea, Murphy's Law can be adapted and extended.

1st Amendment
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the on that
will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

2nd Amendment
If you realize that there are three possible ways in which something
can go wrong, and cover them all, then a fourth, unprepared for way,
will miraculously appear out of thin air.

3rd Amendment
When something breaks, the parts damaged are in direct proportion
to their value.

4th Amendment
The failure does not appear until the machinery has passed its
final inspection.

5th Amendment
When you drop a part, it always rolls into the darkest corner.

Last Amendment
Any attempt to print out this copy of Murphy's Law will crash
your computer.

Examples of Murphy's Law:

1. Your lost needle will be found by your husband when he is walking
around barefoot.
2. The worst pupil in any class will be a school governors' son.
3. Uniforms only come in two sizes, too large and too small.
4. Vital documents that were posted with no errors,
will develop errors in the mail.
5. The other queue always moves faster.
6. In order to get a bank loan, you must first prove that
you don't need the money.
7. The classic example of Murphy's law: If you drop a piece of
toast it always falls buttered side down.

Source and to read more:
Will and Guy's Humour

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Joke - Life as a Camel...

Life as a Camel

A mother and baby camel are chatting when the baby camel asks, "Mom, why
do I have these huge, three-toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will
help you stay on top of the soft sand."

"OK," said the son.

A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why do I have these great long

"They are to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert."

"Thanks, Mom," replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why do I have these great
big humps on my back?"

The mother answers, "They are to help us store water for our long treks across
the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods."

"That's great, Mom. So we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes
to keep the sand from our eyes, and these humps to store water. But, Mom..."

"Yes, son?"

"Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?"

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

More Wacky Warning Labels...

More Wacky Warning Labels

On a child’s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Odor Eaters:
Please do not eat.

On a blender:
On no account improvise as a fish aquarium.

On stockings:
Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

On gloves:
For best results, do not leave at the crime scene.

On a refrigerator:
Refrigerate after opening.

On alphabet blocks:
Not for children. Letters may be used to construct words,
phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

On a cardboard windshield sun-shade:
Warning: Do not drive with sun shield in place.

On an infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

On a microscope:
Objects in view are bigger and more
frightening than they appear.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't
his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on
his bathroom scale."
- Arthur C. Clarke

"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean
all parachutes are perfect."
- Benny Hill

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."
- Matt Groening

"Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light
so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it."
- Maurice Chevalier

"Never get married in college;
It's hard to get a start if a prospective employer
finds you've already made one mistake."
- Elbert Hubbard

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,
and half shut afterwards."
- Benjamin Franklin

"If you can't beat them,
arrange to have them beaten."
- George Carlin

"The day after tomorrow is the third day of
the rest of your life."
- George Carlin

"Time is a great teacher,
but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
- Louis Hector Berlioz

"We hope that, when the insects take over,
they will remember with gratitude how we took
them along on all our picnics."
- Bill Vaughn

Do you have a favorite?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Relaxation and Rejuvenation Quotes and a Verse...

Relaxation and Rejuvenation Quotes and a Verse

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me
lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul."
- Psalm 23:1-3(a)

"There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace.
You will find that deep peace of silence right in your room,
your garden, or even your bathtub."
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"Spend the afternoon. You can't take it with you."
- Annie Dillard

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
- Sydney J. Harris

"Allow yourself time to be lazy and even unproductive.
Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity."
- Author Unknown

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is
the rest we take between two deep breaths."
- Etty Hillesum

"Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation,
for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer.
Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller
and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of
harmony and proportion is more readily seen."
- Leonardo da Vinci

"Allow yourself time to be. Listen to the wind blow.
It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow, and now.
Now counts."
- Author Unknown

"All the great pleasures in life are silent."
- Georges Clemenceau

"Gardening is how I relax.
It's another form of creating and playing with colors."
- Oscar de la Renta

"Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted."
- John Lennon

Friday, April 16, 2010

Cat Quotes...

Cat Quotes

"Times spent with cats is never wasted."
- May Sarton

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
- Ellen Perry Berkeley

"Cats are connoisseurs of comfort."
- James Herriot

"If there were to be a universal sound depicting peace,
I would surely vote for the purr."
- Barbara L. Diamond

"You are my cat and I am your human."
- Hilaire Belloc

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make
friends with strange cats."
- A Colonial American Proverb

"No Heaven will not ever Heaven be,
unless my cats are there to welcome me."
- Author Unknown

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does
any harm to ask for what you want."
- Joseph Wood Krutch

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
- An English Proverb

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."
- Author Unknown

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic."
- Author Unknown

"To err is human, to purr is feline."
- Robert Byrne

"I purr, therefore I am."
- Author Unknown

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Joke - Necktie...


A man on his camel rode through countless miles of a sun-drenched desert
searching for some sign of life. They became extremely thirsty and tired.

The man's supplies were running low when the camel died. Now on foot, he
desperately sought refuge from the heat, and most importantly, for a source
of water. Suddenly, he came across a vendor in the middle of the desert.

"Thank goodness I found you!" the man cried. "Please help me. I'm in dire
need of some water!!"

"Well," said the vendor, "I don't have any water. But would you like to buy
one of these fine neckties?"

"What in the world am I going to do with a necktie?" the man asked.

"That's what I'm selling, sir. If you don't like it, I can't help you."

The man left the vendor and walked on for many more miles, praying each
minute that he would find refuge from the scorching sun.

Noticing a building in the distance, he squinted several times to clear his eyes.
It was a restaurant! Unable to comprehend a restaurant located in the middle
of the desert, he assumed the place was a mirage, but decided to check it
out anyway. As he approached the door, his mouth was gaped in amazement.

"Relief at last. I will finally get my drink!" he thought as he dragged himself
to the front door of the restaurant.

The doorman stopped him before he entered. "Excuse me sir," the doorman said,
"But you can't come in without a necktie!"

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A Funny - Worst Analogies and Metaphors...

Worst Analogies and Metaphors

These are from real high school essays. They come from the
annual "Dark and Stormy Night" competition.

* Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two side gently compressed
by a Thigh Master.

* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in
a dryer without Cling Free.

* He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went
blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole
in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of
looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature
Canadian beef.

* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before
it throws up.

* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

* He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

* The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his
wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-
free ATM machine.

* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn’t.

* McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
vegetable soup.

* From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal
quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on
at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

* Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
in hot grease.

* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy
field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at
6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed
of 35 mph.

* They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

* He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

* Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had
been left out so long it had rusted shut.

* Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

* The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just
might work.

* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for
a while.

* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real
duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

* The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

* It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.

* Her eyes were limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

* She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Joke - FBI and Pizza...

I verified this on This occurred at Southwood Hospital
in Chula Vista, CA in 1993.

FBI and Pizza

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was
under investigation for medical insurance fraud.

After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents
had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation
called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner
for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place:

Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors.
We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service
entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to
bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear?
We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don't think so... (and he hangs up phone on agent.)

According to Snopes, they got their pizza, but had to pick them up.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops in your
favorite chair and stays as long as it wants."
- Stephen King

"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints.
They're upstairs in my socks."
- Groucho Marx

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx

"Man does not control his own fate.
The women in his life do that for him."
- Groucho Marx

"Always remember this: 'A kiss will never miss,
and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses.'"
- John Lennon

"Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny.
Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend."
- Lucy Liu

"My mother always said don't marry for money,
divorce for money."
- Wendy Liebman

"The study of economy usually shows us that the best
time for purchase was last year."
- Woody Allen

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather,
on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
- Woody Allen

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your
memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."
- Sir Norman Wisdom

"Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call.
Life's a very funny proposition after all."
- George M. Cohan

Happy Birthday, Matty!!! I love you to the moon!!!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Baby Quotes and a Verse...

Baby Quotes and a Verse

"For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
- Psalm 139:13-14

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking
around outside your body."
- Elizabeth Stone

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother,
never. A mother is something absolutely new."
- Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

"A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger
of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth,
a link between angels and men."
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper

"Who is getting more pleasure from the rocking, baby or me?"
- Nancy Thayer

"A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother."
- Mark Twain

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh
broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about,
and that was the beginning of fairies. And now when every
new baby is born its first laugh becomes a fairy.
So there ought to be."
- James Matthew Barrie

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite,
something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far
to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite,
more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes
of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or
laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle."
- Vincent van Gogh

"There is no finer investment for any community than putting
milk into babies."
- Winston Churchill

"There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is
always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers;
and the cat can't get it."
- Irena Chalmers

* This is dedicated to my children. My daughter will give me my third
grandson in June and my son will be 22 tomorrow. I love you
two and am so proud of you and am so glad you were born!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Quotes on Books and Reading...

Quotes on Books and Reading

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."
- Rudyard Kipling

"A book is a gift you can open again and again."
- Garrison Keillor

"The worth of a book is to be measured by what you
can carry away from it."
- James Bryce

"When I enter a library I feel as if almost the dead were present,
and I know if I put questions to these books they will answer me with
all the faithfulness and fullness which has been left in them by
the great men who have left the books with us."
- John Bright

"Today a reader, tomorrow a leader."
- Margaret Fuller

"When I am reading a book, whether wise or silly,
it seems to be alive and talking to me."
- Jonathan Swift

"We read to know we are not alone."
- C. S. Lewis

"A home without books is like a body without a soul."
Marcus Tullius Cicero

"If one can not enjoy reading a book over and over again,
there is no use in reading it at all."
- Oscar Wilde

"Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else."
- Mark Twain

"Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint."
- Mark Twain

"The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Lightbulb Jokes...

Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how
good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many strong men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it will take him 7 visits to do it.

Q: How many Dylan fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Joke - Race Horses...

Race Horses

Several racehorses are in a stable. One on them starts boasting about his
track record. "Of my last 15 races," he says, "I've won eight."

Another horse breaks in, "I've won 19 of my last 27!"

"That's good, but I've taken 28 of 36," says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, a greyhound who's been sitting nearby listening says,
"I don't mean to boast, but of my last 90 races, I've won 88."

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow," says one horse after a
prolonged silence, "a talking dog!"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Joke - Thirteen...


Joe was walking past a state mental hospital when he heard the patients chanting,
"13, 13, 13... " outside in the courtyard.

Curious, Joe, wanted a peak at the patients, to see why they were chanting this
number. The fence was too high to see over, but he noticed a little hole in the fence
plank, so he peaked through it. As he peered through, he felt a poke right in his eye
and heard chants of...

"14, 14, 14... "

Monday, April 5, 2010

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"I never met a kid I liked."
- W. C. Fields

"Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad."
- W. C. Fields

"Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like
handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla."
- Jim Bishop

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus;
he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
- Bob Phillips

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by
leaving early."
- Charles Lamb

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."
- Henny Youngman

"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
- Mark Twain

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
- Mark Twain

"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very
pleased to be anywhere."
- George Burns

"At my age flowers scare me."
- George Burns

Friday, April 2, 2010

Good Friday, Still He Walked

You may recognize the piece below. I posted it last Easter morning.
I think it's prefect for re-running every year, and better for Good Friday
than Easter morning or day. I think you will see why. My sister
and I have noticed that every year, on Good Friday, around 3 PM or
shortly after, there always is a thunderstorm, rain shower, sprinkle,
dark clouds or some sort of dark cloud weather phenomenon in our
area. It has been happening for at least a decade, maybe closer to two.
Maybe we have been blessed with this for 2,000 years, I don't know.

We got some rain at 3:02 PM today. For a a couple of minutes. This time
the droplets fell right through the sun sunbeams. It was pretty awesome!

In my area, you will get rain at 3 PM on Good Friday.. I think it's Jesus
reminding us of the majesty of the day and letting us know He still loves
us and wants us to know we are still important to Him.

Please read what is written below and remember Jesus and I love you.
Val =) Did you get any rain around 3 PM today?

Still He Walked
- by Carrie McCutcheon

He could hear the crowds screaming "Crucify" "Crucify".
He could hear the hatred in their voices.
These were His chosen people.
He loved them.

And they were going to crucify Him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened.
His heart was broken,
But still He walked.

He could see the crowd
As He came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.

He knew every smile, laugh, and shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger.
His heart broke,
But still He walked.

Was He scared?
You and I would have been.
So His humanness would have mandated that He was.
He felt alone.

His disciples had left,
Denied, and even betrayed Him.
He searched the crowd for a loving face
And He saw very few.

Then He turned His eyes
To the only One that mattered
And He knew that
He would never be alone.

He looked back at the crowd,
At the people who were spitting at Him,
Throwing rocks at Him
And mocking Him.

And He knew that because of Him,
They would never be alone.
So for them,
He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes
Echoed through the crowd.
The sounds of His cries
Echoed even louder.

The cheers of the crowd,
As His hands and feet
Were nailed to the cross,
Intensified with each blow.

Loudest of all was the still small voice inside His
Heart that whispered "I am with You, My Son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His Son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end His suffering,
But instead He asked God to forgive.
Not to forgive Him,
But to forgive the ones who were persecuting Him.

As He hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw,
Not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be.

And His heart filled with love.
As His body was dying, his heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love He feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.

When I forget how much my God loves me,
I remember His walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
I remember His walk.

When I need reminded of how to live like Christ,
I think of His walk.
And to show Him how much I love Him, I wake up each morning,
Turn my eyes to Him, and I walk.

- by Carrie McCutcheon

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Easter Knock, Knocks...

Easter Knock Knocks

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ether who?
Ether bunny. Juan who?
Juan more Ether bunny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Juan more Ether buny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Stella who?
Stella nother Ether bunny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Justin who?
Justin other Ether bunny.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Samoa who?
Samoa Ether bunnies

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Beryl who?
Beryl of Ether bunnies.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Dewey who?
Dewey have to listen to any
more Ether bunny jokes?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about
all these Ether bunnies?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cargo who?
Cargo “beep, beep"... run over
all the Ether bunnies.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Boo who?
Don’t cry – all the Ether bunnies
will be back again next year!