25 Lines To Make You Smile
1. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought
he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity;
I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I used to have a handle
on life, but it broke.
4. Don't take life too seriously;
No one gets out alive.
5. You're just jealous because
the voices only talk to me.
6. Earth is the insane asylum
for the universe.
7. I'm not a complete idiot --
Some parts are just missing.
8. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
9. NyQuil: the stuffy-head, sneezy,
10. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
11. Consciousness: That annoying
time between naps.
12. Ever stop to think, and
forget to start again?
13. Wrinkled was not one of the things
I wanted to be when I grew up.
14. Procrastinate Now!
15. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts;
Do you want fries with that?
16. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
17. A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a cash advance.
18. Stupidity is not a handicap.
19. He who dies with the most toys
is nonetheless DEAD.
20. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it
uses up three thousand times the memory.
21. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken,
a lifetime commitment for a pig.
22. The trouble with life is there's
no background music.
23. The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Weston.
24. I smile because I don't know
what the heck is going on.
25. Of all the things I've lost,
I miss my mind the most.