Women over 50 don't have babies
because they would put them down &
forget where they left them.
A friend of mine confused her Valium
with her birth control pills...
she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box
of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders,
it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your
troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town
is that when you don't know what you
are doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is
to lose weight because by then,
your body & your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to
yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything,
& then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept
rubbing together & setting fire to my knickers.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet
for a while & it shrinks 2 sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when
they say things like: "You know sometimes
I forget to eat!" Now I've forgotten my address,
my kid's name, & my keys, but I have never
forgotten to eat. You have to be a
special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
The trouble with some women is that
they get all excited about nothing
& then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical
symptoms of stress are eating too much,
impulse buying,& driving too fast. Are
they kidding? That's my idea of a
Friday, July 25, 2008