25 Lines to Make You Smile...

25 Lines To Make You Smile

1. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought
he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity;
I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I used to have a handle
on life, but it broke.

4. Don't take life too seriously;
No one gets out alive.

5. You're just jealous because
the voices only talk to me.

6. Earth is the insane asylum
for the universe.

7. I'm not a complete idiot --
Some parts are just missing.

8. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

9. NyQuil: the stuffy-head, sneezy,
why-the-heck-is-the-room-
spinning medicine.

10. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

11. Consciousness: That annoying
time between naps.

12. Ever stop to think, and
forget to start again?

13. Wrinkled was not one of the things
I wanted to be when I grew up.

14. Procrastinate Now!

15. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts;
Do you want fries with that?

16. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

17. A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a cash advance.

18. Stupidity is not a handicap.
Park elsewhere!

19. He who dies with the most toys
is nonetheless DEAD.

20. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it
uses up three thousand times the memory.

21. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken,
a lifetime commitment for a pig.

22. The trouble with life is there's
no background music.

23. The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Weston.

24. I smile because I don't know
what the heck is going on.

25. Of all the things I've lost,
I miss my mind the most.