Joke - Fairy Tale...

Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-
assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating
ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant
meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was
once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell on me. One kiss
from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince
that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping
in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean
my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy
doing so. "

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly
sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself, "I don't think so!"

Joke - Party Entertainment...

Party Entertainment

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all
out - a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party
started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry
for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal
if they would chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they
headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well, with the children having
a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an
hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic
and would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to
entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window
and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She
watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips,
and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is
absolutely marvelous! I have never seen such a thing. Do you think
your friend would consider repeating this performance for the
children at the party? I would pay him $100!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE!
FOR $100, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?!"



A Vagabond's Song...

A Vagabond's Song

I was baptized by New York City sleet and tempered in

New England snow.

I walked among the ancient rocks and pondered nature's

  hieroglyphs.

I watched the silver snake ford the brook.

  I fought. My spear was inscribed with sacred runes.

  I gather knowledge from books and birds and children at play.

  I respect the mystic myths.

  I know when there's love and when there isn't.

  I can hear the echoes of my struggling ancestors.

  Those who saw me sit and stare and said I was a worthless

dreamer are gone.

I survived the silent sirens.

  Now I sit and stare and while I sit I think, I imagine, I write,

I design, I survive because I can.

There is inexpressible music in my head, poetry in my heart

and a sense of humor in my pocket.

I am a child of the universe.

  I am not worthless.

- written and posted by permission

 from DB at Vagabond Journeys


Please visit DB!  You won't be disappointed!!

Top Jokes of 2011, continued...

Top Jokes of 2011

The jokes below were found
at Reader's Digest online.

Twitter Addiction

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me.
I'm addicted to Twitter!"

The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don't follow you... "

- submitted by Christine Schrum

A Believer

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my
obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face...

- submitted by Adam Joshua

A Quiet Group

I was diagnosed with antisocial behavior disorder,
so I joined a support group. We never meet.

- comic Craig Sharf

For the Mrs.

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made
it the half- mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner
for six rolls.

"Your wife must like rolls," he said.

"How do you know these are for my wife?" I asked.

"Because your mother wouldn't send you
out in weather like this."

- submitted by Richard Silberlust

Top Jokes of 2011....

Top Jokes of 2011

The jokes below were found
at Reader's Digest online.

Not So Helpful

The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day,
leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that
listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the
first and explained our situation.

After what seemed to be a very long silence, the
voice on the other end said, "I don't know what
you expect me to do for you; I'm a psychologist."

"A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed
here as an emergency number. Can't you help us?"

"Well," he finally responded in a measured tone,
"how do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"

- submitted by Christine Quinn


Relaxing Location

While my parents were making their funeral
arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed
out a plot that he thought they would like.
"You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,"
he assured them.

Dad wasn't sold. "Unless you're including a
periscope with my casket, I don't know how
I'm going to enjoy it."

- submitted by Carol Beach


A Glitch

After an enthusiastic recommendation from my
wife, I began listening to the audiobook version
of Frank McCourt's 'Teacher Man'.

"I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed,"
I complained. "He refers to characters I don't
know and introduces them a half hour later."

My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered
on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn't
until the end of the book that my dilemma was
explained - I had set the iPod to Shuffle.

- submitted by Norm Sunshine

... to be continued...