Joke - Things Not To Say When Stopped By A Cop...

Things Not To Say When Stopped By A Cop...

1. "I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer." (OK in Texas)

2. "Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in."

3. "Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?"

4. "Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!"

5. "Are you Andy or Barney?"

6. "I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police
officer?!"

7. "You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?"

8. "I pay your salary!"

9. "Gee, officer, that’s terrific!! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!"

10. When the officer says, “Gee, son, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?”
You probably shouldn’t respond with, “Gee, officer, your eyes look glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?”

In Honor of Veteran's Day....

Quotes for Veteran's Day

"But the freedom that they fought for, and the country grand they
wrought for, is their monument to-day, and for aye."
- Thomas Dunn English
##

"This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is
the home of the brave."
- Elmer Davis
##

"Freedom is never free."
- Author Unknown
##

"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong
desire to live taking the form of readiness to die."
- G. K. Chesterton
##

"And I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me."
- Lee Greenwood
##


I have a video of a song that has always touched my heart.
Please click on link below to view and reflect on our veterans:


I'm Proud to be an American


Please visit (and thank!) a veteran today!

- dedicated to MP, my son, who is entering the Air Force next month.

Joke - Volkswagen Vs. Rolls Royce...

Volkswagen Vs. Rolls Royce

A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls
Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells to the guy in the Rolls,
“Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?”

The guy in the Rolls answers, “Yes, of course I do.”

“I got one too, see?” the Texan says.

“Uh, huh, yes, that’s very nice.”

“You got a fax machine?” asks the Texan.

“Why, actually, yes, I do.”

“I do too! See? It’s right here!” brags the Texan.

The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says,
“So, do you have a double bed in back there?”

The guy in the Rolls replies, “NO?!? Do you?”

“Yep, got my double bed right back here!” the Texan boasts.

The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls
is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and
orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.

About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives all
over town looking for the Volkswagen Beetle with the Texas plates.

Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.

The windows on the Volkswagen are fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward
about it, but he gets out of his newly-modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window
of the Volkswagen.

The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.

The guy with the Rolls says, “Hey, remember me?”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember you.” replies the Texan. “What’s up?”

“Check this out! I got a double bed installed in my Rolls!"

The Texan exclaims, “YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

Joke - Sharing...

Sharing

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger,
one order of fries and one drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places
one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them
into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the
drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins
to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and
whispering, “That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of
them.”

As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely
offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they're
just fine – they're just used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sits
there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman says, “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”

As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young
man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food
and asks, “May I ask what is it you are waiting for?”

The old woman answers, “THE TEETH.”

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"The most dangerous food is wedding cake."
- James Thurber
=)

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday
but never remembers her age."
- Robert Frost
=)

"Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two
fool things after each other."
- Oscar Wilde
=)

"Love is like wine. To sip is fine, but to empty the bottle
is a headache."
- Julio Iglesias
=)

"Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job,
and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice.
There should be severance pay and before they leave you,
they should have to find you a temp."
– Bob Ettinger
=)

"Women and cats will do as they please,
and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
- Robert A. Heinlein
=)

"I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
but eventually it came back to me."
- Author Unknown
=)

"If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?"
- Author Unknown
=)

"If Carmen Sandiego and Waldo had a baby,
it'd be impossible to find."
- Author Unknown
=)

"A rich man's joke is always funny."
- Thomas Edward Brown