Reverendfun...

Reverendfun Cartoons coming up in a couple/few days!!  In the meantime,

click on the banner below and pay them a visit!!  Sending out smiles... Val =)

Joke - The Wish...

The Wish

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming

voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful

to Me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over

anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of

the enormous challenges I would face for that kind of

undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of

the Pacific and the concrete and steel needed would nearly

exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard

for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little

more time and think of something that would honor and

glorify Me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,

I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how

she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the

silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says,

'nothing's wrong' and how I can make her truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Joke - Buying Fabric...

Buying Fabric

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty

girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How

much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

The clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then

held it out teasingly, with anticipation written on his face.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man

standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Other Ways To Use The Thanksgiving Turkey...

Other Ways To Use The Thanksgiving Turkey

* As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins.

* As a hood ornament.

* As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can't kiss you

and say, "My how you've grown!"

* As a football for the after-meal game.

* One word... bowling!

* As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm

to test the range of the splatter upon impact.

* As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!).

* As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.

* Makes a great doggie chew toy.

* Fill it with whipped cream - watch the fun.

* Bury it in the yard for future midnight snacks.

* If you're flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on and

see what it looks like in the X-ray machine.

* Better yet, put it in a pet carrier and ask the

flight attendant for some chicken feed.

* Wear as a helmet, declaring, "I'm TURKEYMAN!"

* Before serving, paste feathers on the poor, naked creature.

* Place a speaker inside the bird, and from another room,

amaze your guests with the talking fowl.

* Throw the turkey out the window yelling,

"You're FREE! Fly! FLY!"

* Two words: turkey puppet.

* Attach to a fishing pole, slowly drive around the neighborhood

in the back of a pickup and see how many dogs follow you.

* From a concealed location, toss in front of a passing car.

When they stop, run out screaming that they hit your dog!

* As in an old murder mystery, question all the dinner guests

in an attempt to discover who killed the guest of honor.

Redneck Thanksgiving...

You Might Be Having A Redneck Thanksgiving If...

You're dinner is on a ping-pong table.

The meal is squirrel and dumplings.

You're re-using paper plates.

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they

all say Cool Whip on the side.

You're using your ironing board as a buffet table.

You have to decide which pet to eat for

your Thanksgiving meal.

Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.

Your best cups have Dixie printed on them.

Your stuffing's secret ingredient comes from

the bait shop.

Your only condiment on the dining room table

is ketchup.

Your side dishes include beef jerky and

moon pies.

You have to go outside to get something from

the 'fridge.

The directions to your house include "turn off

the paved road".

Pork and beans are your "gourmet food".

You're using an Elvis Jell-o mold.

You're using an illegal, secret family recipe.

You're serving Vienna Sausages for appetizers.

The 12 Days of Thanksgiving...

The 12 Days Of Thanksgiving

On the First Day...

We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast

and its hot trimmings.

On the Second Day...

We bless the cold turkey sandwiches,

sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the Third Day...

We praise the turkey pie and

vintage mixed veggies.

On the Fourth Day...

We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison

that first time, or we'd be celebrating

Thanksgiving until April.

On the Fifth Day...

We gobble up cubed bird casserole and

pray for a glimpse of naked, turkey carcass.

On the Sixth Day...

We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook

who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the Seventh Day...

We forgive our forefathers and pass

the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the Eighth Day...

The word 'vegetarian' keeps popping

into our heads.

On the Ninth Day...

We check our hair to make sure we're not

beginning to sprout feathers.

On the Tenth Day...

We hope that the wing-meat kabobs

catch fire under the broiler.

On the Eleventh Day...

We smile over the creamed gizzard because

the thigh bones are in sight.

On the Twelfth Day...

We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers.

And everybody says, "Amen!"

- Author Unknown

Thanksgiving Joke - The Parrot...

The Parrot

(A Thanksgiving classic)

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and

laced with profanity. John tried very hard to change the

bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,

playing soft music, and doing anything else he could think of

to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed

up and he screamed at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John hollered even louder and the

parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation,

threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the

freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and

screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep

was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the

parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched

arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my

rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my

inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do

everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable

behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a

dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

A Funny - Turkey Survival...

Turkey Survival

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,

My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,

And said there was something I needed to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,

When he told me of the horrors of... Black November;

"Come about August, now listen to me,

Each day you'll be thick, where once you were thin,

And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin."

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,

In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;"

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald'n pink,

And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink,"

"And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing,

"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,

I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,

I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,

High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola,

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,

I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,

And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,

As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when Black November rolled around,

I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;

I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.

She held me today, while sewing and humming,

And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming... "

- Author Unknown

Joke - Long Hair...

Long Hair

A young boy just received his driving permit. He asked his father,

a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said

to him, "I'll make a deal with you: you bring your grades up and

study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. After that, we will talk

about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they

could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really

proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied

your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know, Dad, I've

been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair,

Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Joke - Talking Clock...

Talking Clock

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off

his new apartment to a couple of friends. He led the way to his

bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the

gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly a voice on the other side of the wall screamed...

"Hey, quiet!!! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

A Funny - Clever Anagrams...

Clever Anagrams

An anagram is a word, phrase, or sentence formed from another by

re-arranging its letters. Below are some more clever ones:

Elvis =

lives

listen =

silent

Clint Eastwood =

Old West action

Madam Curie =

Radium came

Western Union =

no wire unsent

astronomers =

moon starers /no more stars

the eyes =

they see

the cockroach =

cook, catch her

waitress =

a stew, sir?

the centenarians =

I can hear ten "tens"

desperation =

a rope ends it

I run to escape =

a persecution

The Morse Code =

here come dots

Ronald Reagan =

a darn long era

slot machines =

cash lost in 'em

animosity =

is no amity

mother-in-law =

woman Hitler

A domesticated animal =

docile, as a man tamed it

eleven plus two =

twelve plus one

David Letterman =

nerd amid late TV

(and from Hamlet by Shakespeare:)

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis

nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of

outrageous fortune. =

In one of the bard's best-thought- of tragedies, our

insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how

life turns rotten.

More of You Might Be a Redneck If...

More of You Might Be a Redneck If...

 You hid Easter eggs under cow pies last year.

 Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People".

 You've got more than one brother named Darryl.

 Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

 You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

 Your dad calls you "Chip" and walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.

 You need one more hole punched in your card to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.

 You have plastic flowers in a bathroom fixture in your
front yard.

 You can't get married to your sweetheart 'cause there's
a law against it.

 Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".

 Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

 You can smash a beer can on your imaginary friend's
forehead, and it works!

 You leave beer and pickled pig's feet for Santa.

 You spelled something wrong out in Christmas lights.

 You go up a water tower with a can of paint to protect
your sister.

 You have a deer head anywhere in your vehicle.

Can you add any?

Joke - Perfection...

Perfection

The preacher said, "There's no such thing as a perfect woman.

Anyone present who has ever known a perfect woman, stand up."

Nobody stood up.

"Those who have ever known a perfect man, stand up."

One elderly gentleman stood up.

"Are you honestly saying you knew an absolutely perfect man?"

he asked, somewhat amazed.

"Well now, I didn't know him personally," replied the little old man,

"but I have heard a great deal about him. He was my wife's first

husband."

Joke - Making a Man...

Making a Man

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to him, "Lord,

we don't need You anymore. Science has finally figured out

a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can

now do what You did in the beginning."

"Oh, is that so? Please tell me... " replies God.

"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into

Your likeness and breathe life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's interesting. Show me."

So the scientist bends down on his knees and picks up some

soil and starts to mold it.

"Oh no, no, no," interrupts God, "get your own dirt."

Joke - Ooops...

Ooops

A man joined a big, multi-national company as a trainee.

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone,

"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool! You've dialed

the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No," replied the trainee.

"I'm the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to,

you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank goodness!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church...

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast

as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran

she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord,

please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and

fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,

brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she

once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be

late... But please don't shove me either!"

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments

with her five and six year-olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy

mother', she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how

to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not

kill."

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything,

including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent

when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he

were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going

to have a wife."

Joke - Thoughtful Husband...

Thoughtful Husband

George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife
something special for her birthday which was coming up soon.

As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning

back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror.

“Rita,” he asked, “What would you like for your birthday?”

His wife continued to look at herself and said, “I’d like to be

six again.”

George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early

and made his wife a bowl of Froot Loops. Then he took her to an

amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later,

Rita’s stomach felt upside-down and her head was reeling.

Nevertheless, George took her to McDonald’s and bought her a

Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was

a movie with popcorn, soda, and her favorite candy.

As Rita wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the

bed, George asked her, “Well, dear, what was it like to be six

again?”

Rita looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, “I meant

my dress size!”

Little Johnny Jokes...

Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny Learning Numbers

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answered the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," said the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job.

What comes after ten?"

"A jack!"

Little Johnny and Math

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying

attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny!

What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the

Cartoon Network!"

Little Johnny on a Field Trip

Little Johnny's kindergarten class took a field trip to

their local police station where they saw pictures tacked

to a bulletin board of the ten most-wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it

really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," answered the policeman. "The detectives want very

badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you

took his picture?"

Little Johnny at Home

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed

cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," answered his mother, who began

removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked little Johnny. "Giving up?"