These were collected from Reader's Digest online.
At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade
teachers were named Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One
morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a
flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.
"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.
"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company
and I'm keeping her home."
- submitted By Merri Lee Colvin
Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i.
Millie: I is ...
Teacher: No Millie. Always say, "I am."
Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I
work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his
classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him
mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"
Knowing he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer
moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?"
He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get
this kid out of his locker."
- submitted by Helen Button
Danny was hard to miss at our school. A Civil War buff
who forever wore his Confederate overcoat, he was a friend
to all. When he was passed over during the vote for senior
superlatives, many of us were disappointed; surely there
must have been a category suitable for him.
The whole school was pleased, therefore, when the
yearbook adviser surprised us with an additional photo.
There was Danny, decked out in his gray coat, with the
caption: "Most Likely to Secede".
- submitted by Michael G. Stewart
Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop sign.
I was pulled over by a police officer, who recognized me as
his former English teacher.
"Mrs. Brown," he said, "those stop signs are periods, not
- submitted by Gail Brown
I'm a high school geometry teacher and I started one lesson
on triangles by reading a theorem. "If an angle is an
exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than
the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior
I noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked
him why. "Well," he replied sincerely, "I'm waiting until you
start speaking English."
- submitted by Patricia Strickland
While working in the library at a university, I was often
shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of
paying their fees for overdue books. One evening an older
student returned two books that were way overdue and
threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to
pay. I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but
she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand,"
she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!"
- sumbitted by Alison Satterfield