Showing posts with label computer jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label computer jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Joke - How The Internet Started...





How The Internet Started


A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM):


Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started,
but here's the TRUE story...

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham
Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far
from town to town with thy goods when thoust can trade without ever
leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle
bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in
between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they
will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be
made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with
the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.
Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price without ever having
to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were
saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was
called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS). She also developed a
language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret
himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of
Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and
prosecuted - for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy
horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or
NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and
the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches
were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates,
who bought off every drum maker in the land.

And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with
Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken
over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to
be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named
it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic
Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums
to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as
God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE)

And that is how it all began.

- Author Unknown

* Thank you, Merry!


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Joke - Computer Error...




An oldie but goodie:


Computer Error

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Bob, the
computer guy, to come over. Bob clicked a couple of buttons
and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum
service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was
wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
"An ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it
again?"

The computer guy grinned... "Haven't you ever heard of an
ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote out.... I D 1 0 T

I used to like Bob!


Monday, April 27, 2009

Computer Humor...


Actual "Call Center" Calls

Caller:
"I've been calling 700 -1000 for two days
and can't get through. Can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Caller: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."

* * * * * * * *

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the User Guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall
socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can
you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."

* * * * * * * *

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Caller: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Caller: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

* * * * * * * *

This is actual dialogue from the WordPerfect Help-line, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around
the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when
it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,
not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over?"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got
it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"