Monday, April 27, 2009

Computer Humor...

Actual "Call Center" Calls

"I've been calling 700 -1000 for two days
and can't get through. Can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Caller: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."

* * * * * * * *

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the User Guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall
socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can
you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."

* * * * * * * *

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Caller: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Caller: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

* * * * * * * *

This is actual dialogue from the WordPerfect Help-line, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around
the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when
it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,
not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over?"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got
it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"


  1. Yes, that WordPerfect story is definitely one of the most toe-curling computer stories I've ever heard. I'm guessing the ending has been exaggerated but I don't doubt this call actually did take place. A friend who's a computer technician is full of stories like this. He's never had the whole "using the CD drive as a cup holder" but he has hand things like someone wondering why his computer was overheating when he had the fan covered up. (Apparently it made it too chilly around the computer) A degree in computer science, goodness knows how many Microsoft and CCNA training courses to his name and years of experience isn't enough any more, he has to have the patience of a Saint too...

  2. The last story is really a kicker of epic proportions! I'm not sure if it's an old story but I've read it just now. There are just many tech support stories and computer humor that really crack me up. I work as an IT intern for an office here in Ottawa, and those funny stuff are the sort of things I need once in a while.


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