How to Install a Redneck Home Security System
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Big Momma, Slim and I went for more ammo and some beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed
him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all
the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.