Tuesday, March 10, 2009

St. Patrick's Day funnies...

The Irishman Who Drank Too Much

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city
one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across
his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk, "for a minute
there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Irish Poker Game

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when
Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops
dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other
five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys,
someone got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him
to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishman you'll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500,
and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him," says Gallagher.

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