Monday, March 16, 2009

Four Short Irish Jokes...

Four Short Irish Jokes

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,
each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the
jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman
started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what
McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin'," said the Irishman, "me wife just sent
me out for a jar of olives!"

* * * * * * * * * *

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around
the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An
airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman, "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?" asked the employee.

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

* * * * * * * * * *

Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat
following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While
rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed
the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came
forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only
deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted
out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and
immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever
sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only
the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as
the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked
disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke, "Nice going
Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!"

* * * * * * * * * *

Mick and Paddy were walking home after a night on the
beer when a severed head rolled along the ground.

Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy,
“Jez, that look like Sean.”... to which Paddy replied:

“No Sean was taller than that.”

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