Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"My wife made me join a bridge club.
I jump off next Tuesday."
- Rodney Dangerfield
~
"Once you can accept the universe as matter
expanding into nothing that is something,
wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
- Albert Einstein
~
"The problem with the designated driver program,
it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
- Jeff Foxworthy
~
"As you get older three things happen.
The first is your memory goes,
and I can't remember the other two..."
- Sir Norman Wisdom
~
"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking,
but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely
beautiful when her lips are closed."
- Author Unknown
~
"I want a man who's kind and understanding.
Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
~
"Summer is the season when a man thinks
he can cook better on an outdoor grill than
his wife can on an indoor stove."
- Author Unknown
~
"The depressing thing about tennis is
that no matter how good I get,
I'll never be as good as a wall."
- Mitch Hedberg
~
"There are three kinds of people -
those who can count and those who can't."
- Author Unknown
~
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant??
I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize,
Oh man... I could be eating a slow learner."
- Lyndon B. Johnson