Monday, July 21, 2008

Joke - Where to Live After Retirement

Where to Live After Retirement


You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where
...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet
bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you
open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!


You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take.
6. The 4 seasons are: fire, flood/mud, shake & bake, and drought.


You can live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle
to Battery Park.
3. You think central park is 'nature'.
4. You've worn out a car horn.
5. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


You can live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The 4 seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.


You can live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait at the same store.
2. 'Y' all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.
3. "He needed killin' is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, etc.


You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the
day care center.
3. A pass does not involve football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can live in the Midwest where
...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor or an Amish
buggy.
3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my car at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic play, you say," "It was different!"


AND You can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

2 comments:

  1. good to see you back. I "borrowed" this and sent it to my daughters! Dannelle

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG I am still laughing over here, Val!!!

    s.

    ReplyDelete

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