More of You Might Be A Redneck If...
* You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table
in front of her kids.
* The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending
on how much gas is in it.
* You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
* You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
* Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey guys, watch this... "
* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
* Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
* You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are,
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
* The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
* You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
* One of your kids was born on a pool table.
* You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at
The House of Tattoos.
* You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
* The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
* You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
* You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
* You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
* Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
* Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
* You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
* You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
* You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
* You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
* You have a rag for a gas cap.
* Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
* You can spit without opening your mouth.
* You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
* You have a complete set of salad bowls that say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
* The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
* Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
* You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
* A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
* You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
* You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
* You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
* You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table
in front of her kids.
* The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending
on how much gas is in it.
* You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
* You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
* Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey guys, watch this... "
* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
* Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
* You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are,
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
* The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
* You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
* One of your kids was born on a pool table.
* You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at
The House of Tattoos.
* You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
* The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
* You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
* You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
* You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
* Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
* Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
* You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
* You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
* You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
* You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
* You have a rag for a gas cap.
* Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
* You can spit without opening your mouth.
* You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
* You have a complete set of salad bowls that say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
* The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
* Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
* You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
* A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
* You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
* You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
* You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
Val, I got lots of laughs over this. My favorites are the 14 year old dughter with the kids, the rag as a gas cap, the bowls that say "Cool Whip" and missing 5th grade graduation because of jury duty.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on some good ones, as usual.