Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest,
the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand
and a club in the other."
- Josh Billings
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"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber."
- Benjamin Franklin
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"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days."
- Benjamin Franklin
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"I am at two with nature."
- Woody Allen
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"There's a fine line between fishing and just
standing on the shore like an idiot."
- Steven Wright
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"I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped.
I said, 'No thanks - I'm not going that far.'"
- Steven Wright
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"I do not like work, even when somebody else is doing it."
- Mark Twain
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"I've often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming."
- Jimmy Carter
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"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law.
My neighbour said, 'Are you going to help?'
I said, 'No, six should be enough.'"
- Les Dawson
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"I had plenty of pimples as a kid.
One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up,
a blind man was reading my face."
- Rodney Dangerfield
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"Tell your boss what you really think about him
and the truth shall set you free."
- Patrick Murray
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"Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is
less boring and because it has fresh peaches in it."
- Thomas Walker