Fun and Funny Quotes
"I was so surprised at being born that I didn't speak
for a year and a half."
- Gracie Allen
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
- Rodney Dangerfield
"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch
with your children."
- J. Paul Getty
"Income tax has made more liars out of the
American people than golf."
- Will Rogers
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
- Harry S. Truman
"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees,
then names the streets after them."
- Bill Vaughan
"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule,
and on every side of a fool."
- Edgar Watson Howe
"I gave my cat a bath the other day... they love it.
He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me.
The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that... "
- Steve Martin
"I took a test in Existentialism.
I left all the answers blank and got 100."
- Woody Allen
"Middle age is when your age starts to show
around your middle."
- Bob Hope
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
- Whitney Brown
"I got a lotta best friends.
Some o' them I don't even hardly know!"
- Archie Bunker, All In The Family
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full,
and scratch where it itches."
- Wallis Warfield Simpson, Duchess of Windsor,
when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life