Fun and Funny Erma Bombeck Quotes
"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice,
safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
"Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not
a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial."
"Never have more children than you have car windows."
"My second favorite household chore is ironing.
My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed
until I faint."
"There's something wrong with a mother who
washes out a measuring cup with soap and water
after she's only measured water in it."
"In two decades I've lost 789 pounds.
I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
"I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce
has been fattening all along."
"The odds of going to the store for a loaf
of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf
of broad are three billion to one."
"I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book
I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone
else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk
(which I hate) when the dog would leap over the
St. Louis Arch for it."
"On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where
we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin,
the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand
out of our belongings."
"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."
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