Jokes - Walk Into a Bar...

Walk Into a Bar...

A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head.
The bartender looks up and says, "Where did you get that ape?"
The guy says, "This isn't an ape, it's a duck."
The bartender says, "I was talking to the DUCK."

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A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer.
A man sitting at the bar said he didn't want to drink at the bar with a dog.
The dog and the man got into a fight and the man shot the dog in the foot.
The dog yelped out of the bar and down the street.

A week later, the same dog walked into the same bar.
This time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots,
a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black
bandage around his sore foot. He went up to the bar and said to the bartender,
"I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."

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A guy walked into a bar and ordered two drinks.
"How about a double instead?" asked the bartender.
"No. I'm drinking with my friend from Denver."

So the bartender gives him the two drinks. He drinks them by alternately
sipping from each glass. This goes on for a few months. A couple of times
a week he comes into the bar to drink with his friend from Denver.

One day he comes in and orders only one drink.
"Did your friend from Denver die?" asked the bartender.
"No. My doctor told me to stop drinking."

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Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

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Two cannibals walk into a bar and sits beside a clown. The first cannibal
conks the clown over the head and they both start eating him.
Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste
something funny?"

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A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor."