Fun and Funny Quotes
"I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother."
- Henny Youngman
"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my
friends told me she was in labor for thirty-six hours. I don’t even
want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours."
"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six
months later you have to start all over again!"
- Joan Rivers
"At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn’t know gave me anything.
Even the people I know don’t give me anything."
- George Wallace
"I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England,
so the other one could drive."
- Steven Wright
"I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network.
They said, 'Can I help you?' and he said,
'No, I’m just looking.'"
- George Miller
"My grandfather always said, "Don’t watch your money;
watch your health.' So one day while I was watching my health,
someone stole my money. It was my grandfather."
- Jackie Mason
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times
the same good things for the first time."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."
- Luis Bunuel
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single
word I am saying."
- Oscar Wilde