Fun and Funny Quotes
"Kids? It's like living with homeless people.
They're cute but they just chase you around all day long going,
'Can I have a dollar? I'm missing a shoe! I need a ride!'"
- Kathleen Madigan
"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once,
and by car forever after."
- Peter De Vries
"I really don't think I need buns of steel.
I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
- Ellen Degeneres
"I don't plan to grow old gracefully;
I plan to have facelifts until my ears meet."
- Rita Rudner
"Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up
on the food chain as we think."
- Tom Wilson
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability
to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.
That may be. But I think there's another thing that separates us
from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
- Jeff Stillson
"The problem with cats is that they get the same look whether
they see a moth or an axe murderer."
- Paula Poundstone
"Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast,
eat your breakfast first."
- Josh Billings
"I like sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I am awake,
- Ernest Hemingway
"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."
- Milton Berle