Monday, January 4, 2010

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Kids? It's like living with homeless people.
They're cute but they just chase you around all day long going,
'Can I have a dollar? I'm missing a shoe! I need a ride!'"
- Kathleen Madigan

"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once,
and by car forever after."
- Peter De Vries

"I really don't think I need buns of steel.
I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
- Ellen Degeneres

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully;
I plan to have facelifts until my ears meet."
- Rita Rudner

"Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up
on the food chain as we think."
- Tom Wilson

"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability
to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.
That may be. But I think there's another thing that separates us
from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
- Jeff Stillson

"The problem with cats is that they get the same look whether
they see a moth or an axe murderer."
- Paula Poundstone

"Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast,
eat your breakfast first."
- Josh Billings

"I like sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I am awake,
you know?"
- Ernest Hemingway

"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."
- Milton Berle

1 comment:

  1. All are funny, Val. My favorite is the mosquito joke.



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