Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Funny - The Birth Order...




The Birth Order

Your Clothes

1st baby
You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby
You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby
Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
1

Preparing for the Birth


1st baby
You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby
You don't bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby
You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
1

The Layette

1st baby
You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them,
and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby
You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby
Boys can wear pink, can't they?
1

Worries


1st baby
At the first sign of distress, a whimper, a frown,
you pick up the baby.

2nd baby
You pick the baby up when her wails threaten
to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby
You teach your three-year-old how to rewind
the mechanical swing.
1

Pacifier


1st baby
If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby
When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off
with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby
You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
1

Diapering


1st baby
You change your baby's diaper every hour,
whether they need it or not.

2nd baby
You change their diaper every two to three hours,
if needed.

3rd baby
You try to change their diaper before others start to complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
1

Activities

1st baby
You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing,
and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby
You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby
You take your infant to the supermarket and
the dry cleaner.
1

Going Out

1st baby
The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,
you call home five times.

2nd baby
Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave
a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby
You leave instructions for the sitter to call only
if she sees blood.
1

At Home

1st baby
You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at
the baby.

2nd baby
You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your
older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby
You spend a little bit of every day hiding from
the children.
1

Swallowing Coins

1st child
When first child swallows a coin,
you rush the child to the hospital and demand
x-rays.

2nd child
When second child swallows a coin,
you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child
When third child swallows a coin you deduct
it from his allowance!!

2 comments:

  1. Val,

    Thanks for the laughs!! I loved it. I'll be sharing it with my friends. I am soooo sorry to hear about your daughter. It's bad enough when we have to suffer through all the madness but it must be heart wrenching to watch your child go through it. I will be keeping her and you in my prayers. Keep the laughs coming!

    Shalunya (Shay)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

    Lucy

    http://toddlergirls.net

    ReplyDelete

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