Monday, September 22, 2008

Funny Quotes by Milton Berle

All of these quotes are in the publication, "More of the Best of Milton Berle's
Private Joke File". I received this 553 page book from my Daddy. It is filled
with Milton's funny quotes and short jokes. No doubt, I will feature him another
day! Enjoy!...

Quotes by Milton Berle

"I'm getting so absent-minded and forgetful.
Sometimes in the middle of the sentence. I."

"You can make both ends meet, but you
can't make them like each other."

"If you know the difference between good advice
and bad advice, you don't need advice."

"Dead owls don't give a hoot."

"When arguing with a stupid person,
make sure he isn't doing the same."

"Never lend money. It gives people amnesia."

"An old African proverb says, 'when two
elephants fight the grass gets hurt.'"

"We all sprang from animals, but most of
us didn't spring far enough."

"You can bet your wife is being unfaithful if
your dog is taking your pipe and slippers
to the house across the street."

"Rabbits of the world - stop!"


  1. Those are great! I like the one about arguing with a stupid person....


  2. what cute quotes; sounds like a great book; I'm sure my mom would have enjoyed these little one-liners

    thanks for sharing them, Val, and if you share any more from the book, it would be fun to read them all :)


  3. What a funny man, a little wry wit in there too.  I think I'm going to "borrow" that one about stupid people to add to my "quotes on fools" section.

    they were all great

  4.     Funny!


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