After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.
All are asked the same question: "When you are in your casket and
friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear
them say about you?"
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that
I was one of the great doctors of my time and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our
children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I would like to hear them
say... LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"
A man takes his Rotweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed.
Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the
dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."