Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Times change. The farmer's daughter now tells jokes
about the traveling salesman."
- Carey Williams
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"To be a successful father there's one absolute rule:
when you have a kid, don't look at it for two years."
- Ernest Hemingway
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"If you keep making jokes like that,
somebody is going to shoot you, father."
- Mary Todd Lincoln
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"Every person is responsible for his own looks after 40."
- Abraham Lincoln
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"If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder."
- Pope John Paul I
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"One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things
go and duct tape to make them stop."
- G. Weilacher
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"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you
is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
- George Carlin
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"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
- George Carlin
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"A woman must have money and room of her own
if she is to write fiction."
- Virginia Woolf
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"If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs,
was it a joke?"
- Stephen Wright
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"A joke without a point, inane and bald,
itself a joke on joking may be called."
- Menander of Athens
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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.
I want to achieve it through not dying."
- Woody Allen
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"I am a zizzer zazzer zuzz as you can plainly see."
- Theodor Geisel, Dr. Seuss