Joke - New Lease on Life...

New Lease on Life

During surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her
bedside. "Will I die?" she asks.

God says, "No. You have 30 more years to live."

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in
the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and
collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!

The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street,
and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.

Up in Heaven, she sees God. "You said I had 30 more years to live," she complains.

"That’s true," says God.

"So what happened?"

God shrugs. "I didn’t recognize you."

Joke - Worst Day of His Life...

Worst Day of His Life

A fellow is sitting at a bar staring at his drink for about a half-hour. A big truck
driver sits on the stool next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and gulps it down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another
drink. I just can't stand to see a grown man cry."

"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life! First, I overslept and missed
an important meeting with my boss, and he fired me on the spot. Then, I left the
building and found my car was stolen! I caught a cab home, and wouldn't you know
it, I left my wallet in the cab! Finally, I got home to find a note that my wife had
left me."

"So I came to this bar."

"When I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my
poison... "

Funny George Carlin Quotes...

Funny George Carlin Quotes

"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean
the circus has left town."
=)
"Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?"
=)
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and
settled for very little."
=)
"There's no present.
There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
=)
"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions."
=)
"No one knows what's next, but everybody does it."
=)
"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts."
=)
"Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put
their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for
them while they deliver the mail?"
=)
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
=)
"Standing ovations have become far too commonplace.
What we need are ovations where the audience members
all punch and kick one another."
=)
"It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work,
and the butterfly gets all the glory."
=)
"George Washington’s brother, Lawrence,
was the Uncle of Our Country."
=)
“'No comment' is a comment."
=)
"Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that."
=)
"Hooray for most things!"

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse...

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse

(Part 3)

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son,
that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have
eternal life."
- John 3:16
<><

"Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."
- Grandma Moses
o()o
"Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go,
only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be."
- Karen Ravn
o()o

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love,
and to let it come in."
- Morrie Schwartz
o()o
"All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."
- Helen Keller
o()o
"Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself."
- George Bernard Shaw
o()o
"There are many things in life that will catch your eye,
but only a few will catch your heart... pursue those."
- Michael Nolan
o()o
"Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music.
Your days are your sonnets."
- Oscar Wilde
o()o
"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years."
- Abraham Lincoln
o()o
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
- Author Unknown
o()o
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Quotes by Mother Teresa...

Quotes by Mother Teresa

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,
there can be no more hurt, only more love."
<3
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless."
<3
"We can not do great things on this Earth,
only small things with great love."
<3
"It is not the magnitude of our actions,but the amount
of love that is put into them, that matters."
<3
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one."
<3
"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty,
than the person who has nothing to eat."
<3
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.
Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face,
kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile."
<3
"I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor.
Do you know your next door neighbor?"
<3
"If you judge people you have no time to love them."
<3
"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
<3
"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart
burning with love."
<3
"It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy."
<3
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

Joke - Three Wishes...

Three Wishes

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. Picking it up,
he pulls out the cork...

Sure enough, out pops a huge, blue genie. The genie says, "Thank you for freeing
me from my prison. In return I will grant you three wishes."

The man says, "Perfect! I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want.
First, I want 1 billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."

Suddenly there is a flash of light, and a detailed list, with Swiss Bank account
numbers, appears in his hand.

He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari."

There is another flash of light, and a bright red Ferrari materializes right before
his eyes.

He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."

A final blaze of light and he turns into a box of chocolates!

Joke - Taking Care of Mama...

Taking Care Of Mama

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together,
they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "You remember how mom enjoys reading the Bible? Now she can't
see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It
took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just
has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks....

"Milton," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have
to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely
use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"

"And my dearest Donald," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"

Joke - Great Sales Technique...

Great Sales Technique

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling,
"Read all about it! Fifty people swindled!! Fifty people swindled!!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.
What he saw was yesterday's paper.

The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big
swindle?"

The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it!
Fifty-one people swindled!!"

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always
land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the
back of a cat and drop it?"
- Steven Wright
=)
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
- Steven Wright
=)
"I started out with nothing. I still have most of it."
- Michael Davis
=)
"People must think I am a very strange person. This is not correct.
I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk."
- Stephen King
=)
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one
and asked Him to forgive me."
- Emo Philips
=)
"It is ludicrous to read the microwave directions on the
boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:
'THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE.' Loosely translated,
this means, 'You're on your own, Bernice.'"
- Erma Bombeck
=)
"The grass is always greener over the septic tank."
- Erma Bombeck
=)
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
- Erma Bombeck
=)
"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present
from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got
but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."
- Jeff Foxworthy
=)
"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest,
most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to
the state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going,
'You know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"
- Jeff Foxworthy
=)
"A computer once beat me at chess,
but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
- Author Unknown
=)
"I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it."
- George Carlin
=)
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
- Woody Allen

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse...

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in
all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who
belong to Christ Jesus."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 18
<><
"Treat every thought as a prayer."
- Dr. Lee Pulos
()
"Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary."
- Steve Jobs
()
"Give to us clear vision that we may
know where to stand and what to stand for -
because unless we stand for something,
we shall fall for anything."
- Peter Marshall
()
"If you believe in what you are doing,
then let nothing hold you up in your work.
Much of the best work of the world has been
done against seeming impossibilities.
The thing is to get the work done."
- Dale Carnegie
()
"Do what is right. Do it right. Do it right now."
- Barry Forbes
()
"I do not cut my life up into days but my days into lives,
each day, each hour, an entire life."
- Juan Ramon Jimenez
()
"Live your life as an Exclamation, not an Explanation."
- Author Unknown
()
"A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with
which appalling experiences are survived with grace."
- Tennessee Williams
()
"Look at life through the windshield,
not the rear-view mirror."
- Byrd Baggett
()
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent
people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation
of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to
appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world
a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a
redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
()
"All I can say about my life is, oh God, I enjoy it!"
- Bob Newhart

An inspiring, happy video...

I have a video for you all today, thanks to my friend Cathy. Thanks,
Cathy!! The photography and colors are stunning. It also shows you
what a black and white world would be like. Press link below to view.
Enjoy! Sending joy... Val =)

Colors

Inspirational Life Quotes...

Inspirational Life Quotes

"The purpose of our lives is to give birth to the
best which is within us."
- Marianne Williamson
o
"You don't have to be great to start,
but you have to start to be great."
- Joe Sabah
o
"A work well begun is half-ended."
- Plato
o
"Just do it."
- NIKE
o
"It is a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but
the best you very often get it."
- W. Somerset Maugham
o
"What I hear I forget. What I see I remember.
What I do, I know."
- A Chinese Proverb
o
"Success and failure. We think of them as opposites,
but they're really not. They're companions -
the hero and the sidekick."
- Laurence Shames
o
"Things that matter most should never be at the mercy
of things which matter least."
- Johann Von Goethe
o
"Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick
of your success will be how you treat other people."
- Barbara Bush
o
"I bring you the gift of these four words: I believe in you."
- Blaise Pascal
o
"He who sows courtesy reaps friendship,
and he who plants kindness gathers love."
- Saint Basil
o

"Sometimes our candles go out,
but is blown into flame by an encounter
with another human being."
- Albert Schweitzer
o
"If you don't think every day is a good day,
just try missing one."
- Cavett Robert

Joke - Who Wants to be a Millionaire?...

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

A contestant, Sally, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?', had reached the final
plateau.

If she answered the next question correctly she would win $1,000,000. If she
answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover.

It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but
instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it... ?'

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer.

She had used up her '50/50 Lifeline' and her 'Ask the Audience Lifeline'.

All that remained was her 'Phone-a-Friend Lifeline'.

She hoped she would not have to use it because... her friend was... well, a blonde.

But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and
the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly:

"That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one
that her friend had given her.

And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to
do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the
contestant could not help but be convinced.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo.'"

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

"That answer is absolutely correct!! You are now a millionaire!!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including
the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
"How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde, "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests.
They live in clocks."

Sally fainted.

Joke - Paddy and Mick...

Paddy and Mick

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher. I sew da
elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs."

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified
as unskilled labor, he gave him 80 dollars a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel Fitter".

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 dollars
a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to
find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel
Fitters are skilled labor."

"What skill?!" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs,
then Mick puts 'em over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"

Joke - How is My Cat?...

How Is My Cat?

A bachelor kept a cat for companionship, and loved his cat more than life.

He was planning a trip to England and entrusted the cat to his brother's
care. As soon as he arrived in England he called his brother.

"How is my cat?" he asked.

"Your cat is dead," came the reply.

"Oh my," he exclaimed. "Did you have to tell me like that!?!"

"How else should I tell you your cat's dead?" inquired the brother.

"You should have led me up to it gradually," explained the bachelor. "For
example, when I called tonight you could have told me my cat was on the
roof, but the Fire Department is getting it down. When I called tomorrow
night, you could have told me that they dropped him and broke his back,
but a fine surgeon is doing all he can for him. Then, when I called the
third night, you could have told me the surgeon did all he could but my
cat passed away. That way it wouldn't have been such a shock."

"By the way," he continued, "how's Mother?"

"Mother?" came the reply, "oh, she's up on the roof, but the Fire
Department is getting her down."

Witty Quotes...

Witty Quotes

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln
=)
"I would have made a good Pope."
- Richard M. Nixon
=)
"I have met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my time,
but you're twenty minutes."
- Oscar Wilde
=)
"Better a witty fool than a foolish wit."
- William Shakespeare
=)
"The average person thinks he isn't."
- Father Larry Lorenzoni
=)
"A word to the wise ain't necessary,
it is the stupid ones who need all the advice."
- Bill Cosby
=)
"The best way to save face is to keep the
bottom half shut."
- Author Unknown
=)
"Retirement must be wonderful. I mean,
you can suck in your stomach for only so long."
- Burt Reynolds
=)
"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I
couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months more."
- Walter Matthau
=)
"If God wanted us to bend over He'd put diamonds
on the floor."
- Joan Rivers
=)
"I didn't attend the funeral,
but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
=)
"Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time and annoys the pig."
- A Proverb
=)
"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire

Perseverance Quotes and a Verse...

Quotes and a Verse on Perseverance

"So let's not get tired of doing what is good.
At just the right time we will reap a harvest
of blessing if we don't give up."
- Galatians 6:9
<><
"Perseverance is a great element of success.
If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate,
you are sure to wake up somebody."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
[]
"The vision must be followed by the venture.
It is not enough to stare up the steps -
we must step up the stairs."
- Vance Havner
[]
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear.
Action breeds confidence and courage.
If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home
and think about it. Go out and get busy."
- Dale Carnegie
[]
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation
with the bricks others have thrown at him."
- David Brinkley
[]
"It is our duty as men and women to proceed as though
the limits of our abilities do not exist."
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
[]
"Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman,
before which difficulties disappear and obstacles
vanish into air."
- John Quincy Adams
[]
"Courage is the whisper in the moment of despair that says:
'I must go on... '"
- Daniel Waldschmidt
[]
"All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration
is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail."
- Dorothea Brande
[]
"Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light.
Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times."
- Napoleon Hill
[]
"Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished
by tired and discouraged men who kept on working."
- Albert Einstein
[]
"In the hardest of times,
often the most beautiful things follow."
- Devin Heramson

Zig Ziglar Quotes...

Zig Ziglar Quotes

"Regardless of your lot in life,
you can build something beautiful on it."
o
"You are the only person on earth who
can use your ability."
o
"Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat
and taking the tartar sauce with you."
o
"A goal properly set is halfway reached."
o
"Remember that failure is an event, not a person."
o
"You can have everything in life you want if you will just
help enough other people get what they want."
o
"The way you see people is the way you treat them."
o
"If you go looking for a friend, you're going to find
they're very scarce. If you go out to be a friend,
you'll find them everywhere."
o
"When you do the things
you need to do when you need to do them,
the day will come when you can do the things
you want to do when you want to do them."
o
“People often tell me motivation doesn't last,
and I tell them that bathing doesn't either.
That’s why I recommend it daily.”
o
"Many marriages would be better if the husband and the
wife clearly understood that they are on the same side."
o
"If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred,
you'll never end up with a nag."
o
"You might not be what you say you are,
but what you say, you are."

We Remember...

"Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others.
It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning.
But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery
and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend -
even a friend whose name it never knew."
- President George W. Bush, December 11, 2001

Growing Old Humor...

Growing Old Humor

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

******

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

******

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

******

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to blackouts.
I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
I have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

******

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an
aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

******

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

******

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's
not as sharp as it used to be.

Joke - Eleven On A Rope...

Eleven On A Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter. Ten were
men and one was a woman.

The rope was not strong enough to hold all of them, so they decided
that one must leave, otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a
very touching speech.

She said she would voluntarily let go of the rope because, as a
woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and
kids and for men in general, and was used to always making
sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech...

All the men started clapping.

Joke - Psychiatric Hospital Phone Menu...

Psychiatric Hospital Phone Menu

"Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu... "

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

* If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

* If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

* If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line so we can trace your call.

* If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
forwarded to the Mother Ship.

* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
will tell you which number to press.

* If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.

* If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

* If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep
or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

* If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

* If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators
are too busy to talk with you.

* If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.



P.S. I have a mental health diagnosis myself (I am bipolar).
I hope this joke doesn't offend anyone... it is posted in fun. Val =)

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
So I had to buy them again."
- Steven Wright
=)
"There's a fine line between fishing and standing
on the shore like an idiot."
- Steven Wright
=)
"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who
has never owned a car."
- Carrie Snow
=)
"Like many women my age, I am 28 years old."
- Mary Schmich
=)
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met."
- Rodney Dangerfield
=)
"Can you imagine a world without men?
No crime and lots of happy, fat women."
- Nicole Hollander
=)
"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
=)
"One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who
wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the
father of the smartest grandchild in the world."
- A Proverb
=)
"Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic,
and so am I."
- Oscar Levant
=)
"I believe in getting into hot water.
I think it keeps you clean."
- G. K. Chesterton
=)
"It is not my fault that I never learned to
accept responsibility!"
- Author Unknown
=)
"I am the master of low expectations."
- G. W. Bush
=)
"I really didn't say everything I said."
- Yogi Berra

Labor Day Quotes and a Verse...

Quotes and a Verse for Labor Day

"Do not labor for the food that perishes,
but for the food that endures to eternal life,
which the Son of Man will give to you.
For on Him God the Father has set His seal."
- John 6:27
<><
"God sells us all things at the price of labor."
- Leonardo da Vinci
<>
"Work isn't to make money; you work to justify life."
- Marc Chagall
<>
"All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance,
and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
<>
"Labor disgraces no man; unfortunately,
you occasionally find men who disgrace labor."
- Ulysses S. Grant
<>
"Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner
life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead,
and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give
in return as much as I have received."
- Albert Einstein
<>
"The end of labor is to gain leisure."
- Aristotle
<>
"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop."
- Ovid
<>
"Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold.
But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure
that your most important decision in the day simply consists
of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow."
- Douglas Pagels
<>
"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily,
now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on
his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse,
a little later on."
- Elbert Hubbard
<>
"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to
end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
- Doug Larson
<>
"Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child
will be going back to school the next day. It would have been
called Independence Day, but that name was already taken."
- Bill Dodds

Two short videos...

If you are a cat owner (or a cat owns you), you will get a
good laugh and big smile out of these two videos. Thanks
for the links, Linda!! Sending joy to all... Val =)

Click on links below to view:

Two Cats Talking With Each Other

Kitten Playing With Remote-Control Rat

Sister Quotes...

Sister Quotes

"A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost."
- Marion C. Garretty
<3
"Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply
by being there for each other."
- Carol Saline
<3
"What's the good of news if you haven't a sister to share it?"
- Jenny DeVries
<3
"Sweet is the voice of a sister in the season of sorrow."
- Benjamin Disraeli
<3
"An older sister is a friend and defender - a listener,
conspirator, a counsellor and a sharer of delights.
And sorrows too."
- Pam Brown
<3
"When mom and dad don't understand, a sister always will."
- Author Unknown
<3
"More than Santa Claus,
your sister knows when you've been bad and good."
- Linda Sunshine
<3
"The mildest, drowsiest sister has been known to turn tiger
if her sibling is in trouble."
- Clara Ortega
<3
"To have a loving relationship with a sister is not simply to have
a buddy or a confident - it is to have a soulmate for life."
- Victoria Secunda
<3
"Sister is probably the most competitive relationship
within the family, but once the sisters are grown,
it becomes the strongest relationship."
- Margaret Mead
<3
"You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older,
they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk
about your memories."
- Deborah Moggach
<3
"A perfect sister I am not, but thankful for the one I've got."
- Author Unknown

dedicated to T., K., G., and D.! I love you guys!

Joke - Green Side Up...

Green Side Up

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in
to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she
wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige,
very soft and warm."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he
goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next
room. She explains, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but
very bright and airy."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he
goes to the window, leans out, and yells, "Green side up!" The woman is
even more perplexed but still lets it slide.

They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like
blue - a restful, peaceful, cool blue."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once
more he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you
a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window, 'Green side
up.' What on earth does that mean?"

The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod
across the street."

Joke - Blind Cowboy

Blind Cowboy

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds
his way to a bar stool and orders a beer. After sitting there for a while, he
yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only
fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman witha black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Joke - Oldies...

Oldies...

Some of our old favorites have now been re-released. The following songs are
on a new album called "Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies":

Paul Simon... "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"
Carly Simon... "You're So Varicose Vein"
The Bee Gees... "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"
Roberta Flack... "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
Johnny Nash... "I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations... "Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
Nancy Sinatra... "These Boots Are Made For Bunions"
ABBA... "Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer... "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Commodores... "Once, Twice, Three Times My Back's Out"
Procol Harem... "A Whiter Shade of Hair"
Steely Dan... "Rikki Don't Lose That Clapper"
Herman's Hermits... "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
Credence Clearwater Revival... "Bad Prune Rising"
Marvin Gaye... "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who... "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
The Troggs... "Bald Thing"

Thanks for these, Anne =)!!