Psychiatric Hospital Phone Menu
"Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu... "
* If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line so we can trace your call.
* If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
forwarded to the Mother Ship.
* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
will tell you which number to press.
* If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.
* If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
* If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep
or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
* If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
* If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators
are too busy to talk with you.
* If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
P.S. I have a mental health diagnosis myself (I am bipolar).
I hope this joke doesn't offend anyone... it is posted in fun. Val =)