Funny George Carlin Quotes
"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean
the circus has left town."
"Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?"
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and
settled for very little."
"There's no present.
There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions."
"No one knows what's next, but everybody does it."
"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts."
"Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put
their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for
them while they deliver the mail?"
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
"Standing ovations have become far too commonplace.
What we need are ovations where the audience members
all punch and kick one another."
"It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work,
and the butterfly gets all the glory."
"George Washington’s brother, Lawrence,
was the Uncle of Our Country."
“'No comment' is a comment."
"Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that."
"Hooray for most things!"