Growing Old Humor
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to blackouts.
I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
I have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an
aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's
not as sharp as it used to be.