Thursday, July 23, 2009

A Funny - Disorder in the Courts....

Disorder in the American Courts

Below is dialogue from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'. People said
these words in court - all taken down by court reporters (who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place).

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you
that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!


What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget...
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you forgot?


Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.


Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or female?
Witness: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
Witness: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.


Attorney: All of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
Witness: Oral.


Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.


  1. Lol Val, those really made me laugh!

  2. Having worked of an on, part time, for law firms I can attest to the truth of each of these.

    This is from the minutes of a meeting of the board of a major law firm. I have this in my files.

    After agreeing that dress down Friday was a great success, the Board voted unanimously to have it discontinued.


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