New Year's Jokes...

Lecture on New Year's Eve

On New Year’s Eve, Dan was in no shape to drive, so he

sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he

was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What

are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?" asked

the police officer.

"I’m on my way to a lecture," answered Dan.

"And who in their right mind is going to give a lecture at this

time on New Year’s Eve?" enquired the constable sarcastically.

"My wife," slurred Dan grimly.

A New Year's Day Prayer for the Elderly

God, grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,

And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Amen.

New Year's Day Prayer for One and All

Dear Lord,

So far this year, I've done well.

I haven't gossiped or lost my temper. I haven't been greedy,

grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I'm very thankful

for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of

bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more

help.

Amen.