Christmas and Chanukah Funnies...

What To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like

Top 10 things to say when you receive

a gift you don't like:

10. "Hey, now there's a gift!"

9. "Well, well, well... "

8. "Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes that

would've fit."

7. "This will be perfect for wearing around the

basement."

6. "Gosh, I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season,

though. There are lots of unexplained fires."

5. "If the dog buries this, I'll be furious!"

4. "I love this, but I fear it will inspire jealousy."

3. "Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness

Protection Program."

2. "To think, I received this the year I vowed to

give all my gifts to charity."

And the number one thing to say about a

Christmas gift you don't like...

1. "I really don't deserve this."

Top 10 Reasons Why Chanukah is Better Than Christmas

10. There’s no “Donny and Marie Chanukah Special”.

9. There are eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).

8. There is no need to clean the chimney.

7. There’s no latke-nog.

6. Burl Ives doesn’t sing Chanukah songs.

5. You won’t be pressured to buy Chanukah Seals.

4. You won’t see, “You’re a Putz, Charlie Brown”.

3. There's no barking dog version of “I had a Little Driedl”.

2. There's no pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.

And the number one reason why Chanukah

is better than Christmas...

1. Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.