Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking
how big I'd get."
- Rodney Dangerfield
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"Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.'
He told me from now on I have to pay in advance."
- Rodney Dangerfield
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey
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"When you don't know what you're talking about,
it's hard to know when you are finished."
- Tommy Smothers
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"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not
live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest, when asked,
"If you could live forever, would you and why?"
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"I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last,
I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality."
- Phyllis Diller
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"A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out
and get more stuff."
- George Carlin
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"One needs only two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go
and duct tape to make them stop."
- G. Weilacher
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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind
don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
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"I like nonsense. It wakes up brain cells."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)