Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Tear my heart out, slow roast me over a fire, pull off my
eyebrows strand by strand, push pins though my fingernails...
do anything to me, anything but a Monday."

- Prabhudoss Samuel

C=

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,
they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

- Paula Poundstone

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"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library
and go, 'Aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But
you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."

- Tommy Cooper

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"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through
the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."

- David Brent

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"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

- George Carlin

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"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...
If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said,
'Alright... you're ugly too!'"

- Rodney Dangerfield

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"I don't have a photograph, but you can have
my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."

- Groucho Marx

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"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk
comes out of my nose."

- Woody Allen

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"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled
for a reason."

- Jerry Seinfeld

 

Merry Christmas!...

“For to us a Child is born, to us a Son is given;
and the government shall be upon His shoulder,
and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.”
- Isaiah 9:6

"Christmas is the harvest time of love. Souls are drawn
to other souls. All that we have read and thought and
hoped comes to fruition at this happy time. Our spirits
are astir. We feel within us a strong desire to serve.
A strange, subtle force, a new kindness, animates man
and child. A new spirit is growing in us. No longer are
we content to relieve pain, to sweeten sorrow, to give
the crust of charity. We dare to give friendship,
service, the equal loaf of bread and love."

- Helen Keller

Christmas Facts

The definition of a white Christmas in England is one
snowflake falling on the roof of the London Weather
Centre in the 24 hours of December 25.

It is considered unlucky to cut a mince pie with a knife.

December 25 was first celebrated as the birthday
of Christ in the year 440 AD.

Christmas wasn’t declared an official holiday in the
United States until June 26, 1870.

There is a Christmas, Arizona and a Christmas, Florida.
In both Arizona and Indiana, there is a town called
  Santa Claus. There is also a Noel, Missouri.

The Germans made the first artificial Christmas trees

  out of dyed goose feathers.

Each year more than 3 billion Christmas cards
are sent in the U.S. alone.

All the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas
would equal 364 gifts.

It is estimated that the single “White Christmas” by
Irving Berlin is the best selling single of all time,
with over 100 million sales worldwide.

Christmas purchases account for 1/6 of all
retail sales in the U.S.

Click links below for Christmas fun!

Match Game for Kids

My Favorite Christmas Song

Amazing Christmas Light Show

Make a Virtual Snowflake


I hope you are having a blessed Christmas Day!!
Happy Jesus' Birthday!!  Sending out joy from my
home to yours... Val =)



Joke - Weeweechu...

Weeweechu

It was a romantic full moon when Pedro said,
"Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love
you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon."
replied Rosita.

"Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me?!"

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time,
we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang...

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a
Happy New Year!"

Christmas Jokes...

Denominations


Maria went to the post office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards.

"What denomination?" asked the clerk.

"Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?" asked Maria. 
"Well, give me 50 Protestant and 50 Catholic, please."

Christmas Present


Pete bought his wife, Thelma, a beautiful diamond ring
as her Christmas present.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, John, his
friend, com
mented, "I thought she wanted one of those
sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"Oh, Thelma did, Pete replied, "But where on earth was
I going to find a fake Jeep?"

Blondes Tree Hunting


There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen
woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of sub-zero temperatures a few close calls
with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and
said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't
care whether it's decorated or not!"

Santa Humor...

Santa Stats

*  The U.S. has 78 people registered under S. Claus
and one under Kriss Kringle.
*  December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
*  The average wage of a mall Santa is $11 an hour.
With his own beard it's $20 an hour.
*  The weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie
Baby for every kid on earth is 333,333 tons,
*  The number of reindeers required to pull a 333,333 ton
sleigh: 214,206 plus Rudolph.
*  To deliver all his gifts in one night, Santa would have
to make 822.6 visits per second (at 3,00 times the speed
of sound.)
*  At this speed, Santa and his reindeer would
instantaneously burst into flames in Earth's
atmosphere.


There are three stages of life:

1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus


Q: How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man?
A: No woman would wear the same
outfit year after year!

Perseverance Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Perseverance Quotes and a Bible Verse

"So let's not get tired of doing what is good.
At just the right time we will reap a harvest of
blessing if we don't give up."

- Galatians 6:9

"Courage is the whisper in the moment of
despair that says: 'I must go on... '"

- Daniel Waldschmidt

"All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and
frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail."

- Dorothea Brande

"What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists...
and it becomes available only when you are in that state of mind in
which you know exactly what you want... and are fully determined
not to quit until you get it."

- Alexander Graham Bell

"Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth."

- Julie Andrews

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you,
til it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer,
never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the
tide will turn."

- Harriet Beecher Stowe

"The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials."

- A Chinese Proverb

"The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is,
that one often comes from a strong will, and the other
from a strong won't."

- Henry Ward Beecher

"When nothing seems to help,
I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock,
perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it.
Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two,
and I know it was not that last blow that did it,
but all that had gone before."

- Jacob A. Riis

"In the hardest of times,
often the most beautiful things follow."

- Devin Heramson

Joke - Santa is a Woman...

Santa Claus is a Woman

Santa Claus is a woman because:

 

1. The vast majorities of men don't even think about
selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a
last-minute shopping spree.
2. For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because
they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to
the rear bumper of the sleigh.
3. Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would
inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds
and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
4. For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays
in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would
stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
5. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide
fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every
Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a
perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
6. Men can't pack a bag.
7. Men would rather be dead than
caught wearing red velvet.
8. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...
having to be seen with all those elves.
9. Men don't answer their mail.

10. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be
described even in jest as anything remotely
resembling a "bowl-ful of jelly."
11. Men aren't interested in stockings unless
somebody's wearing them.

12. Finally, being responsible for

Christmas would require a
 commitment.

Joke - How To Cook a Christmas Turkey...

How To Cook a Christmas Turkey

Go buy a turkey.
Take a drink of whiskey.
Put turkey in the oven.
Take another two drinks of whiskey.
Set the degree at 350 ovens.
Take three more whiskeys of drink.
Turk the bastey.
Whiskey another bottle of get.
Ponder the meat thermometer.
Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.
Bake the whiskey for four hours.
Take the oven out of the turkey.
Floor the turkey up off of the pick.
Turk the carvey.
Get yourself another scottle of botch.
Tet the sable and pour another
glass of turkey.
Bless the dinner and pass out.

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

 

"Why do we call them buildings when they're finished?
Shouldn't they be called builts?"

- Author Unknown

"I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can
get shot while getting shot... "

- Chris Rock

"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse.
I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."

- J. D. Salinger

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

- Peter Vries

"The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so
he can tell when he's really in trouble."

- Justine Vogt

"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow.
He told me to wear a brown tie."

- Rodney Dangerfield

"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out
of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."

- Jay Leno

"The road to success is always under construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who
died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car."

- Will Rogers

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up Button."

- Sam Levenson

 

Reverendfun Cartoons!...

Hello, you!! I have Reverendfun Cartoons today! They're my
favorite cartoons to post! If you enjoy Reverendfun, visit them
online and read the archives or sign up to receive them by
email! Sending out chuckles and Christmas joy... Val =)

Reverendfun

Joke - Bass Boat...

Bass Boat

A good ol' Arkansas boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What
ya gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to
float a boat within 100 miles of here!"

He says, "I won it... and I'm a gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the
wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, "He's out there in his bass boat," pointing to the field
behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother
sitting in a bass boat, with a fishing rod in his hand, in the
middle of a big field.

He yells out to him, "What are you doing?"

His brother replies, "I'm fishin'! What does it look like I'm
doing?"

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from
Arkansas a bad name! Yer makin' everybody think we's stupid.

If I could swim, I'd come out there and whoop you!"

 

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

- Hebrews 13:8
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"Let us dare to be ourselves,
for we do that better than anyone else can."
- Shirley Briggs

"You will never change your life until you change something you
do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine."
- John C. Maxwell

"Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning
the instrument as one goes on."
- Samuel Butler

"The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today."

 - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"We would worry less about what people think about us if
we realized how seldom they do."
- Ethel Barrett

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
- Janis Joplin

"We all live under the same sky,
but we don't all have the same horizon."
- Konrad Adehauer

"'You must never feel badly about making mistakes,'
explained Reason quietly, 'as long as you take the trouble to learn
from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right
reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.'"
- Norton Juster, 'The Phantom Tollbooth'

"I don't care if my glass is half full or half empty -
I'm just happy to have a glass."
- Joe Farrell

Happy Thanksgiving!!...

Thanksgiving Quotes

"Every one of our greatest national treasures, our liberty,
enterprise, vitality, wealth, military power, global authority,
flow from a surprising source: our ability to give thanks."

- Tony Snow

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for
everything that happens to you knowing that every step
forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and
better than your current situation."
 - Brian Tracy

"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel,
to set in the hearts of honest men;
but be careful that you do not take the day,
and leave out the gratitude."
- E. P. Powell

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest
form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness
doubled by wonder."
- G. K. Chesterton

"If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it!"
- Mathilda Gage

"When I started counting my blessings,
my whole life turned around."
- Willie Nelson

"I give thanks everyday that I've been able to take
my craziness and make it work for me."
- Fritz Scholder

"Lord, dismiss us with Thy blessing.
Thanks for blessings past received."
 - John Sheffield



If you would like to read some humorous Thanksgiving
quotes click the link below:

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

I also have some Thanksgiving humor at the link below:

Thanksgiving Humor

I have been running this blog for a few years now,
so if you do a search you will be able to find quite a bit of
Thanksgiving material!

I wish you and yours a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving!!
Sending out joy and gratitude... Val =)

Joke - Who Is It?...

Who Is It?

An Englishman took a business trip to New York. When he arrived,
the hotel clerk asked him a riddle.

"My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my
sister. Who was it?"

The Englishman thought long and hard, but eventually gave up.
"I don't know. Who was it?"

The hotel clerk responded, "It was me!"

The Englishman thought the riddle was hilarious. He decided he
would ask his friends the same riddle when he flew home the
next day.

He met them at the airport and asked, "My mom and dad had a
baby. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"

His friends thought and thought about it until they gave up.

So he told them, "It was a hotel clerk I met in New York!"

Quotes and a Bible Verse to Ponder...

Quotes and a Bible Verse to Ponder

He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all --
how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?
- Romans 8:32

"Think for a minute about what makes you
fabulous and how you can celebrate it."
- Laura Mercier

"For lack of an occasional expression of love, a relationship
strong at the seams can wear thin in the middle."
- Robert Brault

"Do you love me because I am beautiful,
or am I beautiful because you love me?"
- Cinderella

"The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk
on the water; but to walk on the earth."
- A Chinese Proverb

"It's not good enough that we do our best;
sometimes we have to do what's required."
- Winston Churchill

"I used to believe that anything was better than nothing.
Now I know that sometimes nothing is better."
- Glenda Jackson

"The nearest way to glory is to strive to be
what you wish to be thought to be."
- Socrates

"You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you
can do it even better than you think you can."
- Jimmy Carter

"The Almighty has His own purposes."
- Abraham Lincoln

"You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time, but you
can not fool all of the people all of the time."
- Abraham Lincoln

Happy Veteran's Day!...

"I think there is one higher office than President
and I would call that Patriot."

- Gary Hart
 

"In war, there are no unwounded soldiers."
- José Narosky

"More than an end to war, we want an end to the
beginning of all wars - yes, an end to this brutal,
inhuman and thoroughly impractical method of
settling the differences between governments."

- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Happy Veteran's Day - especially to those who have
fought for our freedoms and to protect this country!
I thank you from the bottom of my heart! And
thank you to those today who are protecting this
great land!!
Below are two posts I did in the past. The first one
is military humor and the second is Veteran's Day
quotes and a nice video you may want to watch.
Have a blessed weekend, everyone!! I am sending
out peace today... Val =)

Click on links below:

Veteran's Day Humor

Veteran's Day Quotes and a Video

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
- Lenny Bruce

“I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we
had our own coroner. We used to write essays like:
What I’m going to be if I grow up.”
- Lenny Bruce

"The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can
do that dramatic removal."
- Jim Gaffigan

"Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde

"A man in the house is worth two in the street."
- Mae West

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married.
Then he's finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died."
- Steven Wright

"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it."
- Steven Wright

"Accept that some days you are the pigeon,
and some days you are the statue."
- David Brent

"There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery.
You can't do any business from there."
- Colonel Sanders

Shortest Blonde Joke Ever...

Shortest Blonde Joke Ever

Two blondes walked into a building.

You'd have thought at least one of

them would had seen it....

 

Joke - 21st Birthdays...

21st Birthdays

A boy from Duluth, Minnesota, named Lars had heard stories of
an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather,
and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on
their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their
first legal drink.

So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat
out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and
nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk
across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before
him?"

Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father,
grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January.
You were born in July."

Joke - Burial at Sea...

 

Burial at Sea


Chrissy and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their
uncle, who had been a sea-faring gentleman all his life,
to bury him at sea when he died. 

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes
kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with
their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto
their rowboat.

After a while Chrissy says, "Do you think we're out far enough,
Barbie?"

Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee-deep
says, "Nope, not yet Chrissy."

So they rowed a little farther. Again, Chrissy asks Barbie, "Do you
think we're out far enough now?"

Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately
says, "No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest."

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over
the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor
Chrissy is really getting worried. Suddenly, Barbie breaks the
surface gasping for breath.

"Well is it deep enough yet, sis?"

"Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel."



Character Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Character Quotes and a Bible Verse

<><

"For this very reason,
make every effort to add to your faith goodness;
and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control;
and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance,
godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness;
and to brotherly kindness, love."
- 2 Peter 1:5-7

<><

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through

experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,

vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved."

- Helen Keller

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"Character is higher than intellect. A great soul

will be strong to live as well as think."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't

hear what you're saying."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were

going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care,

kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with

no thought of any reward. Your life will

never be the same again.”

– Og Mandino

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"No matter how full a reservoir of maxims one may possess,

and no matter how good one's sentiments may be, if one have

not taken advantage of every concrete opportunity to act,

one's character may remain entirely unaffected

for the better."

- William James

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"The best index to a person's character is

(a) how he treats people who can't do him any good,

and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back."

- Abigail van Buren

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"If you lose your wealth, you have lost nothing,

If you lose your health, you have lost something,

But if you lose your character,

you have lost everything."

- Woodrow Wilson

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"A person reveals his character by nothing

so clearly as the joke he resents."

- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character

by his way of eating jelly beans."

- Ronald Reagan

- Happy Birthday, Therese and Carl !!