Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Tear my heart out, slow roast me over a fire, pull off my
eyebrows strand by strand, push pins though my fingernails...
do anything to me, anything but a Monday."
- Prabhudoss Samuel


"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,
they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
- Paula Poundstone


"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library
and go, 'Aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But
you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."
- Tommy Cooper


"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through
the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."
- David Brent


"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
- George Carlin


"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...
If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said,
'Alright... you're ugly too!'"
- Rodney Dangerfield


"I don't have a photograph, but you can have
my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."
- Groucho Marx


"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk
comes out of my nose."
- Woody Allen


"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled
for a reason."
- Jerry Seinfeld



  1. I like this one the best.

    "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
    - George Carlin

  2. LOL the one about the boss... and Mondays...

  3. I heard another version of the psychiatrist joke.
    "You're ugly." "OK, you're also stupid."


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