Reindeer at a Bar
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door,
bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender
mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the
twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're
the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoof-ful of change and said, "Hmmmpf. Let me
tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
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Signs You Bought a Bad Christmas Tree
* It's two feet tall, forty feet wide.
* Salesman opening line: "Your'e not a cop, are you?"
* It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers.
* While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family
caravan for a joy ride.
* Each branch has 'Duraflame' printed on it.
* Keeps heckling your lame top ten list.
* Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours.
* Some guy named Mujibar puts a crappy Statue of
Liberty on top of it.
* It's very small and says 'air freshener' on it.
- from one of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists