Funny Quotes...

More Funny Quotes from Reader's Digest

These can be found at Reader's Digest online.

"I think the Discovery Channel should be on a

different channel every day."

- Craig Sharf

"My friend is a procrastinator.

He’s afraid of Saturday the 14th."

- Craig Sharf

"The meek shall inherit the earth...

if it's okay with the rest of you."

- Don Ainey

"Apéritif: French for 'a set of dentures'."

- Author Unknown

"I already regret my choice of Juilliard

to win the NCAA."

- Shap Sweeney

"Our hometown baseball team is called the Possums.

They get killed on the road."

- Richard Klimkiewicz

"My father is allergic to cotton. He has pills that he

can take, but he can't get them out of the bottle."

- Brian Kiley

"I quit my job at the helium gas factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone."

- Stewart Francis

"It's always weird to meet your stunt double.

It's like looking into a mirror where the other

you took care of yourself."

- Actor/Comic Brian Posehn

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic,

insomniac? He stayed up all night trying to

decide if there really was a dog!"

- Jack Gray

"What does zero say to eight? 'Nice belt'"

- Traci Ohren

"Did you hear about the self-help group for

compulsive talkers? It's called On & On Anon."

- Sally Davis

"Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?

Someone told him to get a long little doggy."

- Savanna Smith