A Funny - A Snow Diary...

A Snow Diary

November 8: 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season! We took out cocktails

and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift

down. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic. We felt like

newlyweds again. I love snow!

November 9

Woke to a blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a

fantastic sight! Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for

the first time in years and felt like a boy again. Did both the driveway and

sidewalks. Later, the snowplow came along and I got to shovel again. What

a perfect life!

December 1

Sun melted all the lovely snow but my good neighbor said we'd have a

white Christmas. Then commented that by the end on winter, I'd never

want to see snow again. I doubt it.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night and cold, too. Wind took my breath away

but I warmed up shoveling. This is the life! Later, the snowplow came back

again, but I'm getting in better shape. Just wish I didn't huff and puff

so much.

December 15

20 inches in the forecast! Sold the van and bought a 4 x 4, snow tires for

the wife's car, and 2 extra. Shoveled, then stocked the freezer. Wife

wants a wood stove in case power goes off. I think that's silly - we aren't

in Alaska...

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Landed on my bottom trying to salt the driveway.

Hurt real bad. Wife laughed for an hour. (I think that was very cruel.)

December 17

Too cold and icy to go anywhere. Power was off for 5 hours. Piled on

blankets to stay warm with nothing to do but stare at the wife and try

not to upset her. Can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living

room. (Won't admit that I should have bought wood stove: hate it

when she's right.)

December 20

Power's back on. We had another 14" of the stuff. Shoveled all day.

Snowplow came by twice. Kids too busy playing hockey to help.

Hardware store sold out of snow blowers. Next shipment due in March.

Neighbor says I have to shovel or city will have it done and bill me.

(Think he's lying...)

December 22

White Christmas!!! 13" more of the white stuff and it's so cold, it won't

melt until August. Tried to shovel - just too tired. Tried to get help

from neighbor who has snow plow on his truck but he said he was too

busy. (Sure he's lying.)

December 23

Only 2" of snow today and had warmed up to 0 degrees. Wife wanted

me to decorate the front of the house. What is she nuts?!!! Why didn't

she tell me to do that a month ago? Says she did. (Think she's lying.)

December 24

6" more. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. I'm

gonna get that snowplow driver! (I know he waits around the corner to

see if I'm finished, then roars by at a 100 mph, sending snow flying

all over.) Wife wanted me to sing carols with her and open our presents,

but I was busy watching for the darn snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas. Another 20" of the slop. Snowed in again and the

idea of shoveling makes my blood boil! *&%#@!!*& I hate
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I
wanted to hit him over the head with my shovel! Wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's an idiot and if I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life"
one more time, I'll throw her in the snow bank!

December 26

Still snowed in.

December 27

Temperature dropped another 30 degrees and the pipes froze.

December 28

Warmed up to -25 degrees. Still snowed in and the wife is making me

crazy!!!!!!

December 29

Another 10" and neighbor says I have to shovel the roof before it caves in.

That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. Another 9" in the forecast.

December 31

Set fire to what's left of the house: no more shoveling.

January 8

I feel sooooo good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed?