Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Funny - A Snow Diary...

A Snow Diary

November 8: 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season! We took out cocktails
and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift
down. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic. We felt like
newlyweds again. I love snow!

November 9
Woke to a blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for
the first time in years and felt like a boy again. Did both the driveway and
sidewalks. Later, the snowplow came along and I got to shovel again. What
a perfect life!

December 1
Sun melted all the lovely snow but my good neighbor said we'd have a
white Christmas. Then commented that by the end on winter, I'd never
want to see snow again. I doubt it.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night and cold, too. Wind took my breath away
but I warmed up shoveling. This is the life! Later, the snowplow came back
again, but I'm getting in better shape. Just wish I didn't huff and puff
so much.

December 15
20 inches in the forecast! Sold the van and bought a 4 x 4, snow tires for
the wife's car, and 2 extra. Shoveled, then stocked the freezer. Wife
wants a wood stove in case power goes off. I think that's silly - we aren't
in Alaska...

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Landed on my bottom trying to salt the driveway.
Hurt real bad. Wife laughed for an hour. (I think that was very cruel.)

December 17
Too cold and icy to go anywhere. Power was off for 5 hours. Piled on
blankets to stay warm with nothing to do but stare at the wife and try
not to upset her. Can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room. (Won't admit that I should have bought wood stove: hate it
when she's right.)

December 20
Power's back on. We had another 14" of the stuff. Shoveled all day.
Snowplow came by twice. Kids too busy playing hockey to help.
Hardware store sold out of snow blowers. Next shipment due in March.
Neighbor says I have to shovel or city will have it done and bill me.
(Think he's lying...)

December 22
White Christmas!!! 13" more of the white stuff and it's so cold, it won't
melt until August. Tried to shovel - just too tired. Tried to get help
from neighbor who has snow plow on his truck but he said he was too
busy. (Sure he's lying.)

December 23
Only 2" of snow today and had warmed up to 0 degrees. Wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house. What is she nuts?!!! Why didn't
she tell me to do that a month ago? Says she did. (Think she's lying.)

December 24
6" more. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. I'm
gonna get that snowplow driver! (I know he waits around the corner to
see if I'm finished, then roars by at a 100 mph, sending snow flying
all over.) Wife wanted me to sing carols with her and open our presents,
but I was busy watching for the darn snowplow.

December 25
Merry Christmas. Another 20" of the slop. Snowed in again and the
idea of shoveling makes my blood boil! *&%#@!!*& I hate
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I
wanted to hit him over the head with my shovel! Wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's an idiot and if I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life"
one more time, I'll throw her in the snow bank!

December 26
Still snowed in.

December 27
Temperature dropped another 30 degrees and the pipes froze.

December 28
Warmed up to -25 degrees. Still snowed in and the wife is making me

December 29
Another 10" and neighbor says I have to shovel the roof before it caves in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. Another 9" in the forecast.

December 31
Set fire to what's left of the house: no more shoveling.

January 8
I feel sooooo good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?

1 comment:

  1. This reminds me of a conversation with a woman who had recently moved up north and was quite nasty with me when I didn't annoucne school closings over the radio when there was a 1/4 inch of snow. It was early December. I told her what was coming aqnd how to prepare for it. She thought I was lying.


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