More Halloween Cartoons...

Maxine Does Halloween

Halloween Cartoons...

BOO!!... Happy Halloween everyone!!! I have two sets of Halloween cartoons for
you all. The first set is below. The second set I will be posting very shortly. They
are all Maxine Halloween cartoons. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!
Stay safe, warm, and well. Sending joy... Val =)

Halloween Cartoons

Grief Quotes...

Grief Quotes

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness,
but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love."
- Washington Irving
Y

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."
- C. S. Lewis
Y

"If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble."
- Moliere
Y

"Those things that hurt, instruct."
- Benjamin Franklin
Y

"Happiness is beneficial for the body,
but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind."
- Marcel Post
Y

"If you’re going through hell, keep going."
- Winston Churchill
Y

"There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften."
- Cicero
Y

"Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can;
and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys."
- Alphonse de Lamartine
Y

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair and
confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,
who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing...
that is a friend who cares."
- Henri Nouwen
Y

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that
which has been your delight."
- Kahlil Gibran
Y

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly,
acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still
know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
- Agatha Christie
Y

"Every joy will follow in grief’s footsteps."
- A Malawian Proverb
Y

"Have faith in your dreams, and someday,
your rainbow will come smiling through.
No matter how your heart is grieving,
if you keep on believing,
the dreams that you wish will come true"
- Emily Bronte

- dedicated to J and K, my rocks, who never stop
smiling through their years pain.

Two Halloween Jokes...

Costume Shopping

Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal, and Arnold Schwarzenegger all decide to
go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume
store and look for masks.

Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven."

Steven Seagal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart."

Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one
that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

* * * * *
Beethoven Symphonies

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard when, suddenly, he hears some music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the
origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van
Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it
is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend
to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the
Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played in reverse.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert,
the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the
symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed - the
9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread, and a throng has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd
asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about," says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

Halloween Funny - Some Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters...

Some Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters

Give away something other than candy (e.g. toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.).
=)
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "TOP SECRET" in big letters. When trick-
or-treaters come, look around suspiciously and say, "It's about time you got here." Give them
the briefcase and quickly shut the door.
=)
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door say,
"Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
=)
Get everyone who knocks on the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong
with your dishwasher.
=)
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
=)
Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment and pretend
to be confused. Start flipping through a calendar.
=)
Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only
thing you had left over from Easter.
=)
Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all the
trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

Halloween Jokes...

Halloween Vamps

Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take
their orders.

"And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"

The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."

The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."

The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I'll have a glass
of plasma."

The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender,
"Two bloods and a blood light."

* * * * * *

Bat story

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked
himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where
he got it. He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted
until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

Fun and Funny Halloween Quotes...

Fun and Funny Halloween Quotes

"Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said,
'Never take candy from strangers.' And then they dressed
me up and said, 'Go beg for it.' I didn’t know what to do!
I’d knock on people’s doors and go, 'Trick or treat.'
'No thank you.'"
- Rita Rudner
=)

"I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume?
That's what they think of me?'"
- Drew Carey
=)

"Eat, drink, and be scary."
- Author Unknown
=)

"Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into
the 'spirits' of things."
- Dee Snider
=)

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you
are on Halloween."
- Erma Bombeck
=)

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself
than be crowded on a velvet cushion."
- Henry David Thoreau
=)

"Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to."
- Richard Harris Barham
=)

"Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!"
- Sandra J. Dykes
=)

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with.
C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his
own Halloween special."
- Chris Rock
=)

"There are three things I have learned never to discuss with
people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin."
- Linus Van Pelt, 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'
=)

"Hold on, man. We don't go anywhere with 'scary', 'spooky',
'haunted', or 'forbidden' in the title."
- Matthew Lillard as Shaggy in 'Scooby-Doo'
=)

"As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today... Oh, how I wish he'd go away."
- Anonymous

Inspirational Quotes and a Verse...

Inspirational Quotes and a Verse


"You thrill me Lord, with all You have done for me!
I sing for joy because of what You have done."
- Psalm 92:4
<><

"Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source
of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power."
- Stephen Covey "The truest greatness lies in being kind,
the truest wisdom in a happy mind."
- Ella Wheller Wilcox "A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances,
but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."
- Hugh Downs "First we make our attitudes. Then our attitudes make us."
- Dennis Waitley "The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being
can alter his life by altering his attitudes."
- William James "Six essential qualities that are the key to success:
sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, charity."
- William Menninger
"You can not raise a man up by calling him down."
- William Boetcker
"Remember there is no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end."
- Scott Adams
"Kindness is more important than wisdom,
and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom."
- Theodore Rubin
"Patience is the companion of wisdom."
- Theodore Rubin
"You can preach a better sermon with your life
than with your lips."
- Oliver Goldsmith
"No legacy is so rich as honesty."
- William Shakespeare "Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure
there is one rascal less in the world."
- Thomas Carlyle

Two Halloween jokes...

Stranger At The Window

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started
it up.

After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and
tapped lightly.

The passenger screamed, "Look at he window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window.

The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said,
"What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the
driver, rolling up the window in terror.

A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again.

The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer
says we're doing 80 now."

All of the sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man
reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled.

He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked.

The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"

They were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen
and heard, when, suddenly, there came some more tapping.

"Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and screamed in
stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"

The old man gently replied, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"

******

Pumpkin Deterrent

Mrs. Jones was proud of her pumpkin patch, so she was very disappointed when some
of the local kids were taking them to make jack-o-lanterns.

One evening while Mrs. Jones was soaking in the bath, the answer to the pumpkin
thefts came to her. After supper she went out and put up a sign: "Beware, one of
these pumpkins is coated with a special, colorless rat poison!"

A day later. when Mrs Jones checked out her pumpkin patch, she was pleased to see
that no more had been stolen. Then she saw a second sign next to hers which said:
"NOW THERE ARE TWO!!"

Halloween Quotes...

Quotes for Halloween

"Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much
sweetness as one can possibly want and hold."
- Judith Olney
=o

"I think a lot more people are getting into Halloween because it's
the one time of year where adults can be kids."
- Craig McDonald
=o

"On Halloween, witches come true. Wild ghosts escape from dreams.
Each monster dances in the park... "
- Nicholas Gordon
=o

"On Hallowe'en the thing you must do
Is pretend that nothing can frighten you.
And if somethin' scares you and you want to run,
Just let on like it's Hallowe'en fun."
- Author Unknown
= o

"Nothing on earth is so beautiful as the final
haul on Halloween night."
- Steve Almond
=o

" ...Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too.
They live inside of us, and sometimes they win."
- Stephen King
=o

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he
never shows to anybody."
- Mark Twain
=o

"Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog,
adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, lizards's leg and owlet's wing,
for a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
- William Shakespeare
=o

"When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
may luck be yours on Halloween."
- Author Unknown
=o

"From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties and things
that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!"
- A Scottish Saying
=o

"Backward, turn backward,
O Time, in your flight,
make me a child again
just for to-night!"
- Elizabeth Akers Allen

Halloween Jokes...

Bones

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was
helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my
seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious,
and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I
think it's too late!"

******

Skeleton in the Closet


A very large, old building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new
skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had
to be dismantled floor-by-floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a
small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.

When the police arrived, the workers directed them to the closet, and showed them
the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright.

The policemen said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important," and
left telling the workers they would contact them when they found out any word on the
skeleton.

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more; they had
to know who they had found. They called the police and said, "We are the two guys
who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it is Jimmy Hoffa or
somebody important."

The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it is somebody kind of important."

"Well, who is it?"

"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."

Halloween Joke - Fixing The Headstone...

Fixing The Headstone

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a
shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery
they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they saw an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away
at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half
to death - we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at
night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Halloween Puns...

Halloween Puns

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin' Goblin

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos

Did you hear about the cannibal who was
expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher

Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!

How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
"I'm bone to be wild."

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
"I'd like a beer and a mop!"

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets

What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef

What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady

What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster

What do you do with a green monster?
Wait until it ripens

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships

What goes "Ha-ha-ha... THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off

Funny Jerry Seinfeld Quotes...

Funny Jerry Seinfeld Quotes


"I wonder if illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet soup."
=)

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world
every day just exactly fits in the newspaper."
=)

"I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man,
why is she marrying him?"
=)

"Now, they show you how detergents take out bloodstains,
a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a
bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
=)

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
=)

"I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it.
Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up
to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any.
Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'"
=)

"You can measure distance by time. 'How far away is it?'
'Oh about 20 minutes.' But it doesn't work the other way.
'When do you get off work?' 'Around 3 miles.'"
=)

"A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear
is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher
than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that
at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin
than have to stand up and give a eulogy."
=)

"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that
people are still thinking."
=)

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."
=)

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a
war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me,
the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off.
I've got the toe clippers right here.'"
=)

"Why do people give each other flowers?
To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing
living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart,
let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel.'"
=)

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake.
It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse...

Inspirational Life Quotes and a Verse
(Part 5)

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a
new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
<><

"Fashion your life as a garland of good deeds."
- Buddha
o

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right
thing to do. The hard part is doing it."
- H. Norman Schwarzkopf
o

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you,
they're supposed to help you discover who you are."
- Bernice Johnson Reagon
o

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human
being can alter his life by altering his attitudes."
- William James
o

"They always say time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself."
- Andy Warhol
o

"The good life is a process, not a state of being.
It is a direction, not a destination."
- Carl Rogers
o

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's now only the scenery
you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of
where you are going and why."
- Eddie Cantor
o

"We cannot see our reflection in running water.
It is only in still water that we can see."
- A Taoist Proverb
o

"When we remember that we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
- Mark Twain
o

"The end of life is to be like God,
and the soul following God will be like Him."
- Socrates
o

"May you live all the days of your life."
- Jonathon Swift

Halloween Cartoons...

Halloween is only two weeks away! Then we have the holiday season!
Oh, how I love this time of year! I will be posting a lot of holiday-themed
jokes, quotes, and fun!! Stay tuned! To get you into the mood, I have
Halloween cartoons for you today. I hope everyone is well and staying
warm. Sending joy... Val =)


Halloween Cartoons