Halloween Quotes

Halloween Quotes

"Today you can be
anything you imagine."
- Author Unknown

"Double, double toil and trouble,
fire burn and cauldron bubble."
- William Shakespeare (Macbeth)


"I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes
all the fun out of Halloween!"
- Charles Swartz

"One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house; The brain has corridors
surpassing Material place."
- Emily Dickinson

"On Halloween, their parents sent their
kids out looking like me."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin
and have it all to myself than be
crowded on a velvet cushion."
- Henry David Thoreau

"There are three things I have
learned never to discuss with people:
religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin."
- Linus Van Pelt (It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown)

"If a man harbors any sort of fear,
it makes him landlord to a ghost.
- Lloyd Douglas

"Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen,
voices whisper in the trees, "Tonight is Halloween!"
- Dexter Kozen

"Where there is no imagination
there is no horror."
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

"On Hallowe'en the thing
you must do
Is pretend that nothing
can frighten you
An' if somethin' scares you
and you want to run
Jus' let on like
it's Hallowe'en fun."
- An Early Nineteenth Century Halloween Postcard

Joke - What To Wear On Halloween (mild adult humor)

Click here for a Halloween giggle!

*mild adult humor

Joke - 10 Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween

10 Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween

1. You get winded from knocking on the door.

2. You have to have someone
chew the candy for you.

3. You ask for high fiber candy only.

4. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your balance and fall over.

5. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!"
and you're not wearing a mask.

6. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..."
and you can't remember the rest.

7. By the end of the night you have
a bag full of restraining orders.

8. You have to carefully choose a costume
that won't dislodge your hair piece.

9. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.

10. You avoid going to houses
where your ex-wives live.

Decorating Ideas for Fall

This list comes from CountryHome online I thought it had
some really neat decorating tips! Hope you enjoy!...

Celebrate fall by beautifying your home
with some of the season’s natural bounty.

With autumn on its way, folks all over
are jumping in their cars and driving to
the country to grab a glimpse of the
season's natural splendor. Bring some of
that beauty home with these simple ideas
for fall home décor.

1. Be the talk of the town with a playful
pumpkin version of a snowman. Stack
three pumpkins in graduated sizes,
drilling holes through the pumpkins and
inserting a large stick to secure. Add
stick arms and a face using a black
marker.

2. Make a quirky topiary by placing a
sturdy branch in a box or flowerpot,
weighing it down with bricks or rocks
that you then cover with nuts. Cut or
drill a hold through the largest pumpkin,
and place on the branch. Top with two
smaller pumpkins.



3. Accent a door or wall with a swag of
Indian corn. Use twine to connect the
ears, knotting the twine after adding
each ear. Tuck in pressed maple leaves
for even more color. Then loop the
twine at the top to hang.

4. Don't just throw all those tree
trimmings in the trash this autumn.
Place a bundle of bare branches in a
large terra-cotta pot and weave little
white holiday lights to create the
perfect décor for y

our home.

5. Have a ball by wrapping colorful dried
leaves around purchased plastic-foam
balls from a crafts store. Glue the leaves
on, then wind thin wire around and
around to hold them firmly in place.
Stack a collection of balls in a basket
for rustic country style.

6. Make an autumn garland for your
mantle with colorful apples. Use an awl
or knitting needle to pierce through the
apples from side to side. Pull twine
through the hole and knot it to hold the
apple in place. Spice up the display by
alternating apples with gourds, walnuts,
or leaves.

7. Lead trick-or-treaters to your door or
dinner guests to the back patio with
country luminaries made with old glass
jars. Put a bit of sand in the jar and set a
small candle in the sand. Line the
sidewalk with the luminaries or even
hang them from trees with wire.

8. Decorate a wreath for your front door
with clusters of berries, ornamental
grasses, and other fall finds. Purchase a
wreath form at a local crafts store, then
simply attach the berries and grasses
with wire or hot glue.

9. Turn mini pumpkins into decorative
candleholders. Just carve a hole large
enough for a tea candle in the top of the
pumpkin. Arrange a bunch across a
mantle or down the middle of the dining
table.

10. For a fragrant treat, fill a ceramic
bowl or wicker basket with oranges,
lemons, pinecones, nuts, and pieces of
evergreen. Place the container just inside
the front door for a special welcome
home.

Halloween Fun!

Halloween Fun

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves.

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray.

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with.

What do you call someone who puts
poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

Joke - Cabbie and Nun (mild adult humor)

*warning - mild adult humor

Cabbie and Nun

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab,
and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't
stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask you but
I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.
When you're as old as I am and have been a nun
as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing
you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can
do about that: #1, you have to be single
and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that
would make any woman blush.

When they get back on the road,
the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun,
"why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned," said the cabbie,
"I lied and I must confess, I'm married and
I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK...
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
Halloween party."

Fun Halloween Quotes!...

Fun Halloween Quotes

"Halloween was confusing.
All my life my parents said, 'Never take
candy from strangers.' And then they dressed
me up and said, 'Go beg for it.' I didn’t know
what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and
go, 'Trick or treat.' 'No thank you.'"
- Rita Rudner

"Ghosts, like ladies, never speak
till spoke to."
- Richard Harris Barham

"This Halloween the most popular
mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask.
And the best part? With a mouth full of
candy you will sound just like him."
- Conan O'Brien

"There are nights when the wolves are
silent and only the moon howls."
- George Carlin

"Everyone is a moon and has a dark side,
which he never shows to anybody."
- Mark Twain

"I see my face in the mirror
and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume?
That's what they think of me?'"
- Drew Carey

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't
know who you are on Halloween."
- Erma Bombeck

Quotes on Beauty

Quotes on Beauty

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever."
- John Keats

"As I looked upon the starry sky, I searched
for a star that would match your beauty, but of
all the stars, I could not find one."
- Author Unknown

"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places
to play and pray in, where Nature may heal and
cheer and give strength to body and soul alike."
- John Muir

"Life reveals her beauty one precious
miracle at a time."
- Flavia

"The best and most beautiful things
cannot be seen or even touched, they must
be felt with the heart."
- Helen Keller

"The longer I live the more beautiful
life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty,
you will soon find yourself without it. Your life
will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty,
it will remain with you all the days of your life."
- Frank Lloyd Wright

"It's the little things that make
life beautiful."
- Author Unknown

Joke - Halloween's Top 10, David Letterman...

This comes from Late Night with David
Letterman on October 22, 2004...

Top 10 Signs You Are At A Lame Halloween Party

10. 150 sharing one Twix bar.

9. Bobbing for Apples" inadvertantly becomes
"bobbing for fat kid's retainer".

8. Supermarket ran out of pumpkins so jack-
o-lantern carved out of honeydew.

7. All the decorations read, "Happy Chanukah".

6. Your wife's been upstairs with the guy in the
Bill O'Reilly costume for a couple of hours.

5. It's B.Y.O.M: Bring your own monkey.

4. Well, for starters, it's April.

3. Someone says, "Hey, great Mickey Rooney mask!"
but you are not wearing a costume.

2. When a guy dressed as grim reaper leaves,
you notice your grandparents missing.

1. It's just you and Martha in an 8 by 10 cell.

Joke - Explolsively Funny...

Explosively Funny

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over.
Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts,
"My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"

A soothing voice at the other end says,
"Don't worry, I can help.
First, let's make sure he's really dead."

After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot.
Then Joe comes back to the phone.

"Okay," he says nervously to the operator.
"What do I do next?"

Joke - 10 Things...

10 Things You Should NEVER Say To
A Woman During An Argument

1. Don't you have some laundry
to do or something?

2. Ohhh, you are so cute when you
get all pissed off.

3. You're just upset because your bottom
is beginning to spread.

4. Wait a minute... I get it. What time
of the month is it?

5. You sure you don't want to consult
the great Oprah on this one?

6. Sorry... I was just picturing you naked.

7. Whoa... time out! Football is on!

8. Looks like someone had an extra bowl
of bit** flakes this morning.

9. Is there any way we can do this
via e-mail?

10. Who are you kidding? We both know
that thing ain't loaded.

Joke - Heaven's Softball

Heaven's Softball


Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been
friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose
was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing

women's softball all our lives, and we played all

through High School. Please do me one favor...

when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let

me know if there's women's softball there."

Rose looked up at Barb from her death bed and said,

"Barb, you've been my best friend for many years.

If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight the following Friday, Barb

was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash

of white light and a voice calling out to her, ''Barb, Barb."

"Who is it?" asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Barb - it's me, Rose."

"You're not Rose. Rose just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me... Rose," insisted the voice.

"Rose! Where are you?"

''In Heaven," replied Rose. "I have some really
good news and a little bad news.'

"Tell me the good news first," said Barb.

"The good news," Rose said, "is that there's
softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old
buddies who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we're all young again!"

"Better still, it's always springtime, and it never
rains or snows. And best of all, we can play
softball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic!" said Barb. "It's beyond my
wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."

Joke - 21st Birthday

21st Birthday

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Bubba's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat... and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dumb... "

Fun and Funny Quotes

Fun and Funny Quotes

"From there to here, and here to there,
funny things are everywhere."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

"I wish I was a glow worm,
A glow worm's never glum.
'Cus how can you be grumpy,
When the sun shines out your bum!"
- Author Unknown

"Nobody can be uncheered
with a balloon."
- Winnie the Pooh

"Sometimes sanity takes
vacation time on me"
- Savage Garden

"Take time every day to do
something ridiculous."
- Philipa Walker

"When life gets muddy, LAUGH,
because what's more fun than
playing in the mud?!?"
- Author Unknown

"When you're curious, you find lots
of interesting things to do."
- Walt Disney

"You can't deny laughter; when it
comes, it plops down in your favorite
chair and stays as long as it wants."
- Stephen King

"Today was good, today was fun,
tomorrow is another one."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Joke - Replacement Windows

Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that
expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got
a call from the contractor who installed them. He was
complaining that the work had been completed a whole year
ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo?? Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking
sales guy had told me last year - that in ONE YEAR these
windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooo?? It's been a year, I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I
finally just hung up. He never called back. Guess I won
that stupid argument.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

Joke - Down With Slackers

Down With Slackers

A company, feeling it is time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is
determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is
full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! The CEO walks up
to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200 a week. Why?"

The CEO hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT
and don't come back!"

Surprisingly, the guy takes the cash with a smile says, "Yes
sir! Thank you, sir!" and leaves.

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and
asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from
Domino's."

Joke - The Twins, also... I have a question

The Twins

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car
went out of control and crashed.

Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical
joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother
replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the
hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and
your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said with
trepidation, "Well what did you name them?"

The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband, relieved, said,
"That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?"

The brother replied, "Denephew."

Hey, can I ask you all something... Does anyone know how I can
get the boxes out from around my pictures/graphics? I use
Photobucket. Is it the template I chose? Am I copying the wrong URL?
If anyone can help me I would greatly appreciate it! Val =)

Quotes and Verses on Prayer...

Quotes and Verses on Prayer

"For You, O Lord,
are good and forgiving, abounding in
steadfast love to all who call upon You."
- Psalm 86:5,7

"So be not like them; because Your Father
has knowledge of your needs even before
you make your requests to Him."
- Matthew 6:8

"Prayer is not an old woman's idle
amusement. Properly understood and applied,
it is the most potent instrument of action."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"I have found the greatest power in the
world is the power of prayer."
- Cecil B. DeMille

"There is a general kind of praying which
fails for lack of precision. It is as if a regiment
of soldiers should all fire off their guns anywhere.
Possibly somebody would be killed, but the
majority of the enemy would be missed.
- Charles Haddon Spurgeon

"Give me, good Lord, a longing
to be with You."
- St. Thomas Moore

"If we truly love people, we will desire for
them far more than it is within our power to
give them, and this will lead us to prayer:
Intercession is a way of loving others.
- Richard J. Foster

"Even if we speak with
a low voice, even if we whisper
without opening the lips, even if we call
to Him only from the depths of the heart,
our unspoken word always reaches
God and God always hears."
- St. Clement of Alexandria

"If you are having difficulty
loving or relating to an individual,
take him to God. Bother the Lord with
this person. Don't you be bothered with him -
leave him at the throne."
- Charles (Chuck) Swindoll

"Prayer is not overcoming God's reluctance,
but laying hold of His willingness."
- Martin Luther

Do you have a favorite quote or verse? Which one?
If you would like to email me a favorite quote
verse, or joke or put it in the comments section
that would be super! Please give credit to author,
when you are able to.
Happy Sunday Val =)

Self-awareness Quotes...

Quotes on Self-Awareness and Uniqueness

"It is of practical value to learn to like
yourself. Since you must spend so much time
with yourself, you might as well get some
satisfaction out of the relationship."
- Norman Vincent Peale

"Best to be yourself, imperial,
plain, and true!"
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"The golden opportunity you are seeking
is in yourself. It is not in your
environment; it is not in luck or chance,
or the help of others; it is in yourself alone."
- Orison Swett Marden

"When you affirm your own
rightness in the universe, then you cooperate
with others easily and automatically as part of
your own nature. You, being yourself, help
others be themselves."
- Jane Roberts

"Nature never repeats herself, and the
possibilities of one human soul will
never be found in another."
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
But if I am only for myself, what am I?
- Hillel

"Know thyself."
- Linnaeus

"Of all the discoveries which men
need to make, the most important, at the
present moment, is that of the self-forming
power treasured up in themselves."
- William Ellery Channing

"When one is pretending the
entire body revolts."
- Anais Nin

Joke - Military Morons

Military Morons

This is an actual radio conversation between a United States Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast off Newfoundland in October, 1995.

(The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 as authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER U.S.S. LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE OUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH... I SAY AGAIN... THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH... OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP!!

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse.

Joke - A Blonde Goes Ice-Fishing

A Blonde Goes Ice-Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she left for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly - from the sky - a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

Fun and Funny Quotes

Fun and Funny Quotes


"Why would you have cake
if you couldn't eat it too?"
- HBS

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make
up for it by leaving early."
- Charles Lamb

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just
have to be a horrible warning."
- Catherine Aird

"Too much of a good thing
can be wonderful."
- Mae West

"I became insane with long intervals
of horrible sanity."
- Edgar Allen Poe

"The two most abundant things in the universe
are hydrogen and stupidity."
- Harlan Ellison

"I hate quotations. Tell me
what you know."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Laughter is the shortest distance
between two people."
- Victor Borge

Joke - Abbott & Costello on Computers

Costello Calls To Buy A Computer From Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business? What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOT T: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A few days later...

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"....

Tags: joke, jokes, funny

The Images of a Mom...

The Images of a Mom

4 YEARS OF AGE
My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE
My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE
My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE
Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either!

16 YEARS OF AGE
Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE
That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE
Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE
Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE
Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

75 YEARS OF AGE
Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

Tags: joke, jokes, funny, moms, mother