Joke - On Having Children

On Having Children

Birth order

first baby: You begin to wear maturnity clothes as soon as your Ob/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

second Baby: You wear your regular clothes as long as possible.

third baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

Preparing for Birth

first baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

second baby: You don't bother because after the first baby, you found out that breathing doesn't do a thing.

third baby: You ask for an epidural that eighth month of your pregnancy.

The Layette

first baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color coordinate them and fold them perfectly in the baby's bureau.

second baby: You check to make sure the baby's clothes are clean and discard the ones with the dark stains.

third baby: Boy's can wear pink can't they?

Worries

first baby: The first sign of distress or even a whimper you pick the baby up.

second baby: You pick him/her up when the wails threaten to wake up your first born.

third baby: You teach your three year old how to wind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier

first baby: If the pacifier falls out of the baby's mouth you put it away until you can get home and wash and boil it.

second baby: When the pacifier falls out you squirt it with some juice until you can get home.

third baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering

first baby: You change your baby's diaper every hour whether he/she needs it or not.

second baby: You change the baby's diaper every two to three hours when needed.

third baby: You try to change the baby's diapers before someone starts to complain about the smell or the diaper is hanging down below his/her knees.

Activities

first baby: You take your baby to the baby gym, baby swing, and baby gymnastics.

second baby: You take your infant to baby gymnastics.

third baby: You take your infant to the grocery store and the cleaners.

Going out

first baby: The first time you leave your baby at a sitter's you call every five minutes.

second baby: Just before you walk out the door you remember to leave the number of where you can be reached.

third baby: You leave instructions for the baby to only call if she sees blood.

At home

first baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

second baby: You spend a good part of the day watching to make sure the older sibling is not sqeezing, hitting or choking the other baby.

third baby: You spend a litte bit of every day hiding from the children.

swallowing coins

first baby: When your first child swalows a coin you take your child to the hospital emergency room demanding x rays.

second baby: When your second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch until he passes the coin.

third baby: When a third child swallow a coin ,you deduct it from their allowance.