Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

"Tear my heart out, slow roast me over a fire, pull off my
eyebrows strand by strand, push pins though my fingernails...
do anything to me, anything but a Monday."

- Prabhudoss Samuel

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"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,
they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

- Paula Poundstone

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"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library
and go, 'Aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But
you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."

- Tommy Cooper

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"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through
the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."

- David Brent

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"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

- George Carlin

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"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...
If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said,
'Alright... you're ugly too!'"

- Rodney Dangerfield

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"I don't have a photograph, but you can have
my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."

- Groucho Marx

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"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk
comes out of my nose."

- Woody Allen

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"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled
for a reason."

- Jerry Seinfeld

 

Merry Christmas!...

“For to us a Child is born, to us a Son is given;
and the government shall be upon His shoulder,
and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.”
- Isaiah 9:6

"Christmas is the harvest time of love. Souls are drawn
to other souls. All that we have read and thought and
hoped comes to fruition at this happy time. Our spirits
are astir. We feel within us a strong desire to serve.
A strange, subtle force, a new kindness, animates man
and child. A new spirit is growing in us. No longer are
we content to relieve pain, to sweeten sorrow, to give
the crust of charity. We dare to give friendship,
service, the equal loaf of bread and love."

- Helen Keller

Christmas Facts

The definition of a white Christmas in England is one
snowflake falling on the roof of the London Weather
Centre in the 24 hours of December 25.

It is considered unlucky to cut a mince pie with a knife.

December 25 was first celebrated as the birthday
of Christ in the year 440 AD.

Christmas wasn’t declared an official holiday in the
United States until June 26, 1870.

There is a Christmas, Arizona and a Christmas, Florida.
In both Arizona and Indiana, there is a town called
  Santa Claus. There is also a Noel, Missouri.

The Germans made the first artificial Christmas trees

  out of dyed goose feathers.

Each year more than 3 billion Christmas cards
are sent in the U.S. alone.

All the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas
would equal 364 gifts.

It is estimated that the single “White Christmas” by
Irving Berlin is the best selling single of all time,
with over 100 million sales worldwide.

Christmas purchases account for 1/6 of all
retail sales in the U.S.

Click links below for Christmas fun!

Match Game for Kids

My Favorite Christmas Song

Amazing Christmas Light Show

Make a Virtual Snowflake


I hope you are having a blessed Christmas Day!!
Happy Jesus' Birthday!!  Sending out joy from my
home to yours... Val =)



Joke - Weeweechu...

Weeweechu

It was a romantic full moon when Pedro said,
"Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love
you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon."
replied Rosita.

"Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me?!"

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time,
we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang...

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a
Happy New Year!"

Christmas Jokes...

Denominations


Maria went to the post office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards.

"What denomination?" asked the clerk.

"Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?" asked Maria. 
"Well, give me 50 Protestant and 50 Catholic, please."

Christmas Present


Pete bought his wife, Thelma, a beautiful diamond ring
as her Christmas present.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, John, his
friend, com
mented, "I thought she wanted one of those
sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"Oh, Thelma did, Pete replied, "But where on earth was
I going to find a fake Jeep?"

Blondes Tree Hunting


There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen
woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of sub-zero temperatures a few close calls
with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and
said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't
care whether it's decorated or not!"

Santa Humor...

Santa Stats

*  The U.S. has 78 people registered under S. Claus
and one under Kriss Kringle.
*  December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
*  The average wage of a mall Santa is $11 an hour.
With his own beard it's $20 an hour.
*  The weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie
Baby for every kid on earth is 333,333 tons,
*  The number of reindeers required to pull a 333,333 ton
sleigh: 214,206 plus Rudolph.
*  To deliver all his gifts in one night, Santa would have
to make 822.6 visits per second (at 3,00 times the speed
of sound.)
*  At this speed, Santa and his reindeer would
instantaneously burst into flames in Earth's
atmosphere.


There are three stages of life:

1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus


Q: How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man?
A: No woman would wear the same
outfit year after year!

Perseverance Quotes and a Bible Verse...

Perseverance Quotes and a Bible Verse

"So let's not get tired of doing what is good.
At just the right time we will reap a harvest of
blessing if we don't give up."

- Galatians 6:9

"Courage is the whisper in the moment of
despair that says: 'I must go on... '"

- Daniel Waldschmidt

"All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and
frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail."

- Dorothea Brande

"What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists...
and it becomes available only when you are in that state of mind in
which you know exactly what you want... and are fully determined
not to quit until you get it."

- Alexander Graham Bell

"Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth."

- Julie Andrews

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you,
til it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer,
never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the
tide will turn."

- Harriet Beecher Stowe

"The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials."

- A Chinese Proverb

"The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is,
that one often comes from a strong will, and the other
from a strong won't."

- Henry Ward Beecher

"When nothing seems to help,
I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock,
perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it.
Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two,
and I know it was not that last blow that did it,
but all that had gone before."

- Jacob A. Riis

"In the hardest of times,
often the most beautiful things follow."

- Devin Heramson

Joke - Santa is a Woman...

Santa Claus is a Woman

Santa Claus is a woman because:

 

1. The vast majorities of men don't even think about
selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a
last-minute shopping spree.
2. For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because
they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to
the rear bumper of the sleigh.
3. Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would
inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds
and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
4. For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays
in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would
stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
5. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide
fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every
Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a
perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
6. Men can't pack a bag.
7. Men would rather be dead than
caught wearing red velvet.
8. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...
having to be seen with all those elves.
9. Men don't answer their mail.

10. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be
described even in jest as anything remotely
resembling a "bowl-ful of jelly."
11. Men aren't interested in stockings unless
somebody's wearing them.

12. Finally, being responsible for

Christmas would require a
 commitment.

Joke - How To Cook a Christmas Turkey...

How To Cook a Christmas Turkey

Go buy a turkey.
Take a drink of whiskey.
Put turkey in the oven.
Take another two drinks of whiskey.
Set the degree at 350 ovens.
Take three more whiskeys of drink.
Turk the bastey.
Whiskey another bottle of get.
Ponder the meat thermometer.
Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.
Bake the whiskey for four hours.
Take the oven out of the turkey.
Floor the turkey up off of the pick.
Turk the carvey.
Get yourself another scottle of botch.
Tet the sable and pour another
glass of turkey.
Bless the dinner and pass out.

Fun and Funny Quotes...

Fun and Funny Quotes

 

"Why do we call them buildings when they're finished?
Shouldn't they be called builts?"

- Author Unknown

"I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can
get shot while getting shot... "

- Chris Rock

"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse.
I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."

- J. D. Salinger

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

- Peter Vries

"The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so
he can tell when he's really in trouble."

- Justine Vogt

"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow.
He told me to wear a brown tie."

- Rodney Dangerfield

"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out
of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."

- Jay Leno

"The road to success is always under construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who
died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car."

- Will Rogers

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up Button."

- Sam Levenson

 

Reverendfun Cartoons!...

Hello, you!! I have Reverendfun Cartoons today! They're my
favorite cartoons to post! If you enjoy Reverendfun, visit them
online and read the archives or sign up to receive them by
email! Sending out chuckles and Christmas joy... Val =)

Reverendfun

Joke - Bass Boat...

Bass Boat

A good ol' Arkansas boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What
ya gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to
float a boat within 100 miles of here!"

He says, "I won it... and I'm a gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the
wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, "He's out there in his bass boat," pointing to the field
behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother
sitting in a bass boat, with a fishing rod in his hand, in the
middle of a big field.

He yells out to him, "What are you doing?"

His brother replies, "I'm fishin'! What does it look like I'm
doing?"

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from
Arkansas a bad name! Yer makin' everybody think we's stupid.

If I could swim, I'd come out there and whoop you!"