Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A Funny - The Month After Christmas

The Month After Christmas

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibble, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt -
I said to myself, as I only can, “You can’t spend
a winter disguised as a man!”
So - away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip,
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
‘Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie - not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore -
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, not long a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!


  1. This is very funny, Val. Did you write this?

  2. Dear Val: I loved your article! Did you write it, well, hey you don't have to tell. Even if you just found it, it is perfect for this blog! You are so smart, Ms. Valerie! I think you are ready to write a book and make some big money. :) How about I be your agent? LOL

  3. Sorry, I think I pushed sent my comments twice. I am a certifiable nut case, though, you know. I won't do that again. Love, Merry


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