Fun and Funny Christmas Quotes
"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season;
the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church;
the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue;
the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing
each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!'
or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists)
'Look out for the wall!'"
- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
"Christmas is a race to see which gives first -
your money or your feet."
- Author Unknown
"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times
more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early.
And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus,
we'll be seeing six or seven."
- W. C. Fields
"Santa Claus has the right idea.
Visit people once a year."
- Victor Borge
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
- Garrison Keillor
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past
forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about
office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
- Phyllis Diller
"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man
would be coming into my neighborhood after dark."
- Dick Gregory
"Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity."
- Don Cupitt
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
with a note on it saying, toys not included."
- Bernard Manning
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.
Mother took me to see him in a department store
and he asked for my autograph."
- Shirley Temple
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in
the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
- Johnny Carson
"You know you're getting old when
Santa starts looking younger."
- Robert Paul
"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?
It came without ribbons. It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
- Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)