Bob Hope Humor

Bob Hope Quotes
(May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003)

On turning 70:
"You still chase women,
but only downhill."
---
On turning 80:
"That's the time of your life when even
your birthday suit needs pressing."
---
On turning 90:
"You know you're getting old when the
candles cost more than the cake."
---
On turning 100:
"I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything
until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
---
On giving up his early career, boxing:
"I ruined my hands in the ring...
the referee kept stepping on them."
---
On never winning an Oscar:
"Welcome to the Academy Awards or,
as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."
---
On golf:
"Golf is my profession. Show business
is just to pay the green fees."
---
On Presidents:
"I have performed for 12 Presidents
and entertained only six."
---
On why he chose show business for a career:
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,
'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham.'"
---
On receiving the Congressional Gold Medal:
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the
strength of character to fight it."
---
On his family's early poverty:
"Four of us slept in one bed. When it got cold,
mother threw on another brother."
---
On his six brothers:
"That's how I learned to dance.
Waiting for the bathroom."
---
On his early failures:
"I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't
for the stuff the audience threw at me."
---
On going to Heaven:
"I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to
blow the hereafter on a technicality."