Funny Demetri Martin Quotes...

Funny Demetri Martin Quotes

"I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're

really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you

put on flip-flops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.

Be nice to people in sneakers.'"

"I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought,

'That is cool.' But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest

and I thought, 'That is not cool.' Then I figured it out:

'Cool' is all about leather sleeves."

"I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to

me and said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.'

And I said, 'I am.'"

"I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that

started with the word 'dude'. 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude,

we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so

stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin,

and Turtle, and all my homies.'"

"Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody

can be both a winner and a loser at the same time."

"'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of.

It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything.

But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like...

after 'I love you... or "'You're going to live'...

or 'It's a boy!'"

"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone

a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just

mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'Huh? What the heck is this?',

but if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'This is nice!'"

"I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na's

are on this thing? Cause I'm like 'Bana... keep going. Bananana... '"

"I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid

confusion, 'cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was

stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some B-batteries.' 'What kind?'

'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries,

that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"

"I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone'."